Friday, February 5, 2010

Unemployed BIC

"let the river run/let all the dreamers/wake the nation/come the new jerusalem..." -Carly Simon

Through a series of confusing events, as of Tuesday, February 2, I am now jobless. Although I'd grown to despise my rather impossible, frustrating, taxing job and found that it was becoming a mutant, maniacal source of a different brand of BIC, I was shocked to be unceremoniously fired on Tuesday. Misconduct? No. Not giving it 100%? Not quite. Being labeled a liability in a ridiculous lawsuit my former employer initiated against my current employer like a three year-old brat? Check.

I'm using this time and opportunity to do three things: a) revel in the benefits of unemployment and the clarity it can bring if you're prudent, b) stay up late once again since I don't have to get up at 7:45 AM, and c) rant about disgusting, corrupt cretins with Napoleon complexes...and complexes about God knows what else.

It's been quite a long time since I was jobless. The last time was two years ago; I was 26 and returning to the workforce after a gallant-but-unsuccessful stab at business ownership. I gave the business a year and blood, sweat, and tears--literally. As a sidenote (and a testament and *testimony* that you never know why certain things happen but can come to be so glad they did): it's fortunate that I learned the process of getting unemployment funds, because it's going to come in handy now.

I'm far less devastated than most people assume I am, simply because I'm prepared. I've also been through enough to know that everything that looks bad from the outside can be the source of your biggest blessings. As it stands right now, I clearly hear God saying that I'm being granted time to focus on the really important things in my life. I have a way of making a job my everything, one of my biggest flaws. It's unfortunate in the Waiting to Exhale-esque sense that a job can't keep you warm at night, but it's also unfortunate when your job isn't going the way you want it to go. When despite your best efforts, the business you're running isn't reaching the success you were hoping it would, and daily, nonsensical "bad luck" occurrences keep popping up professionally for you and your colleagues. In a climate like that, a perfectionist Virgo like me can start to go a bit mad. And mad I was indeed going.

While I was pissed with the termination--the reason for which was outlined in the letter I was faxed from my boss' attorney (I've still heard nothing from him, another potent annoyance) as "claims made by _____________ (my former employer)"--I felt an enormous weight off of my shoulders as I walked out of the door of my office 30 minutes later. The sun was a bit brighter, the air was a bit fresher (if that's possible in LA), and the world seemed quite a bit bigger. No more nights in the office until 11PM. No more harrassing phone calls from disgruntled vendors, not one more long conversation with prospective clients with zero intention of retaining our services. I was free to live my life again. And that alone is a blessing.

I'm 28 years old--20 months from being 30, in fact. And life is short; I've been acutely aware of this for the vast majority of mine. It should be grabbed by the horns and ridden like the rabid bull it is. Perhaps because I'm older and increasingly in touch with who I am, this time I'm being careful about my next steps. Who I am is a woman with a colorful vocabulary and creative writing skills I want to use as much as possible. A woman who hears music all the time, even when there's nothing playing. A woman who likes to wear three different nail polish colors on my hands and a totally different one on my feet (I make it hot, though, trust!). A woman who cuts all of her hair off and eight weeks later is at the beauty supply buying some of her length back--maybe in another color. I'm a free-spirit, but the older I get, the more shrewd I get with my Bohemian nature. I finally learned to channel it in a productive way. And it's for this reason that I'm looking up and not down following my major life change this week. It's time for me to start living my life again, for me and not for anyone else.

I realize that not all of this makes perfect sense, but I suppose I'm trying to make more sense of out everything at this time, too. The bottom line is that BIC is back, for real this time. Not saying I'll be posting every day--I've learned my lesson about those kind of claims--but with more of a life and far more colors in the life I'm living, I'll have much more to post. And not celebrity gossip crap--that's all over the web. I want to talk about the things I used to talk about on here: the search for self, fulfillment, and of course, love. Please stay tuned.


LaToya said...

Welcome back :). We're getting older and the most important thing, short of knowing God better, is definitely knowing ourselves better. You're so on point...

Jaarmyia said...

I'm living proof that God likes to remind us that HE is in control of the plan and sometimes that even means speeding up our plans or the inevitable just to get us to where He needs us to be.

TheRoWill said...

The best things happen when one is in BIC mode, the creativity flows, the hustle pops, and opportunity has a way of knockin' HARD. Besides, didn't someone say that we always look our best when everything else is at its worst?