Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
"n****s is crazy baby/don't forget that boy told ya..."--Jay-Z
"i don't want nobody/always/sittin around/me and my man/i don't want nobody/always/sittin right there/lookin at me and that man..."--Aretha Franklin
I know, I know. In my lifetime, we've had a President who adored his wife but was too old and too long before Viagra to lay the pipe, a President who couldn't possibly have been having sex with his wife if there's anything sacred in this world, a President who was having sex with everyone but his wife, and most recently a President who probably had sex with his wife on birthdays and major holidays. So yes, I am beyond glad that we have a First Couple that's a model of true, devoted, committed love, respect, and passion. But it's slightly embarrassing that, as a nation, our media is so taken with the sensual life of the leader of the Free World. I'm sure that Michelle, as a true lady, is quickly tiring of everyone discussing what's going on in her bedroom. Yes, they're a sexy couple. Yes, they kiss a lot. They hold hands. They touch foreheads and generally act like the other one is going to get it when they get alone. Yes, America, our President and his wife put it down like they mean it, okay? Okay. So maybe we can get the press out of those people's underpants already.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
"the rumors was/so numerous/for stickin by me i had to give ya two thumbs up..."--Kanye WestSo Ted Haggard (gay evangelical minister caught trolling for young men AND crystal meth) and his apparently long-suffering wife Gayle went onto Oprah--which is, coincidentally, the new mecca for men of God with sexual demons. I'm not even going to address the complexity in the mind of the BIC that marries an evangelical minister that straight up tells you that he struggles with homosexuality. It's too deep for me and I really have no right to speak on it. Thus, I'm far more interested in the third party BIC in this situation. In part four of the video in the link, when Oprah asks Gayle the burning question "Why did you stay?" she smiles sweetly and responds, "You know, that is the question I'm asked in the grocery store almost daily; why did you stay? We want to hear". The grocery store? I could see asking in church. I could even somehow envision asking even after a particularly sweaty exercise class. Asking such a thing might not be so bad at the playground on the mothers' bench. But the grocery store? Someone walks up to you in the feminine products aisle and just strikes up a conversation about the 'mo sleeping in your bed?That's actually not okay. Especially because you already know who's asking: the Gladys Kravitzes and Miss "You Ain't Heard That From Me" Benitas of the world, who figure that they can take home and stir up some scintillating gossip with their Ground Round. Gayle obviously does not share these sentiments because number one she's on Oprah, and number two she says this matter-of-factly, as though it is normal for strangers to approach a woman in public and essentially ask why she continues to live with a man who is probably mentally picturing Brad Pitt when he hits it from behind. Well, I'll just put everyone on notice that regardless of my personal circumstance, chicks in the grocery store would get a whole other taste of my BIC if they ever approached me with some intrusive foolishness like that. If you have a highly personal question, please email me. Write me a letter. Do not ever walk up to me in produce and inquire about the most personal and frankly, humiliating aspects of my life and my marriage, especially when you've never met my husband and don't know me. I'm just saying. There's a right way and wrong way to do things, and some people pathologically blur the line. Of course, we have a name for those girls around these parts.
"i'll be more than a woman/more than enough for you..."--AaliyahBecause we don't just trot crazy out and show it around, we celebrate what a fair [good] amount of it can breed. Oprah has just named a woman--a Black woman, to be sure--CEO of her new media venture, Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). Former MTV President Christina Norman says this is "the job I've been working towards my whole career." Well, cheers to you Ms. Norman and congratulations on using your BIC for good!
"what must i do/to keep him lovin me..."--Nicole WrayUnlike some people, Missy and Timbaland's track record for successfully breaking artists whose longevity pales in comparison to theirs is not only unintentional, but completely without malice. Miss Jade? Mad Skillz? Magoo? I hear crickets. In any case, with Jazmine Sullivan's recent Grammy nomination explosion, I got to thinking about another lost Missy/Tim artist, Nicole Wray, whom I think just about everyone saw a bright future for in the industry. Well, suffice it to say she's not currently Top 40. But she definitely was when she released this banger that still stands up over ten years later. And, just for the record, from the begging hook to the self-capitulating verses, it drips of the good stuff.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
"it's time that i realize/that there are some with no home/without a nickel to loan..."--Michael JacksonWhile in San Francisco visiting my friend, I was admonished not to observe my typical practice of giving money to the homeless. Why? It was against the law. "San Francisco coddles its homeless," I was informed by my BFF, who ordered me to roll up the window and put the ones away or risk a fine. Then, I happen upon this--a relatively inconspicuous, hidden article on Slate that speaks volumes. My thought: have we gotten so cold and callous as a society that we really turn our ipods up to avoid hearing someone ask for help? If so, we need to do a lot better. It's not our concern where the money goes once we give it away, it's not our concern if the person is crazy or lazy or whatever. It is our concern that if we have an opportunity to help someone, no matter how that opportunity came about we are obligated to do what we can out of a sense of right, a sense of community. I urge everyone to remember the generous spirit of our nation. Before Bernie Madoff was prime headline news, we were being fed pulsating reports of philanthropy from Oprah's latest "give" to lists of corporations and families who find creative ways to put their money and time towards the work of bettering this nation and the world. In this downturned economy, I think it's even more necessary than usual to be prudent with our stinginess. In my belief system, it can actually adversely affect me to actively look the other way when I know there's someone that I can help. It's in this spirit that I think BIC powers can be used for good. I'm proposing that each of my readers that I can drive to this do something "crazy" to help someone/something/some people, who- or whomever you wish. Report it back to me here in the comments section or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I'll post the stories as they come. Whatever you do, no matter how small, as long as you've genuinely helped someone desperately in need of help (and this doesn't include men desperately in need of love, by the way), I want to hear about it. In my social experiment, my thesis is that women's BIC power can be used to change the world. I'm sure you agree, so help me prove it.
"gave you many chances to make change/the only thing you changed was love to hate..."--En Vogue
Monday, January 26, 2009
"the wells get deeper/more unfolds/and at the bottom/there she goes/but wells are endless/i find more..." --Solange
"just be a man about it..."--Toni Braxton
"day after day/there are girls/at the office/and men will always be men/oh don't/send him off/with your hair still in curlers/you may not see him again..."--Dionne Warwick
Speaking of movies: In addition to the laughfest that is going to be Obsessed, there are some BIC fodder movies this season that won't make you so much as chuckle, but just might change your life. One such film is Revolutionary Road, which I've decided to spotlight here because the Academy idiotically shut it out of damn near every category, excepting Supporting Actor (although I must admit that Michael Shannon did a fantastic job) and two minor categories. To be sure, Revolutionary Road is actually one of the best films I have ever seen in my life. Most notable for the purposes of this forum, it centers nearly completely around female insanity, the kind of perceived psychosis that ruins families. Kate Winslet is absolutely brilliant as April Wheeler, a dissatisfied young Connecticut housewife in the 1950's. It's arguable whether or not there's actually clinically something wrong upstairs, but what I found most admirable is that the perception of her level of crazy is left completely up to interpretation, Yellow Wallpaper-style. Add to that that the catalysts for the breakdown of the marriage in question are portrayed in a breathtakingly honest way.
I'm sure some will inevitably feel that based on her character's behavior, she must be insane. Others--like me--will see her as a victim of circumstances. I won't include any spoilers here because I hope you all see it; but suffice it to say that she is the very epitome of BIC, whichever lens through which you view the film.
*In a DIC sidenote, Leonardo DiCaprio is definitively, undeniably genius in this film, and the fact that he's not nominated for an Oscar is an unspeakable atrocity. I would protest and not watch the ceremony if I wasn't so interested in seeing who wins Best Supporting Actress.
"it's hard to remember how it felt before/now i found the love of my life..."--Gwen Stefani
"you got me nervous and trembling/smoking cigarettes at night..."--TweetHas anybody speculated on whether or not Laura Bush might pick the Newport Lights back up now that she's sprung La Casa Blanca? And better question: could anyone really blame her if she did? After the past eight years, she must be crying in her sleep and relieving herself in mason jars like Howard Hughes. Furthermore, am I the only person who envisioned she and Barack sneaking a secret puff-puff-pass in a shadowy corner of the South Lawn the day he and Michelle visited the presidential mansion for the first time? I am? Oh, well. Now you're picturing it, too, so I don't feel as bad.
"i'm staying/i'm staying/and you/and you/and you/you're gonna love me..."--Jennifer Holliday
Friday, January 23, 2009
"i figured i'd talk to her woman to woman..."--Macy Gray
"baby come lay your body right here/i wanna ride it/switch it up/turn it around/now come and get inside it..."--JS
Thursday, January 22, 2009
"fathers/be good to your daughters..."--John Mayer
"love taught me/who was/who was the boss..."--Diana Ross
"i'm a dirty gorilla wit a/weapon to kill the coochie..."--Napoleon da Legend
"as i swing back/mood to mood/it's not because of you..."--MonicaFor all the men who've decided to put their foot down where pre-menstrual shenanigans are concerned, I'm here to post a bulletin: don't. You'll lose this war; it's just not in your best interest. Here's the thing: women are happy to be able to have babies. It's the most beautiful thing in the world--so I've heard. How awesome is it to be able to literally carry someone inside of you, under your heart? One can only imagine what kind of love that breeds until one has actually given birth. But here's the flip side: the biological preparation? You know, the eggs dropping, the sloughing off of the uterine lining, the cramping, the bleeding, the hormones, the cravings, the gastrointestinal disturbances, the horniness, the restlessness, the fatigue, the mental anguish...yeah, all that? That gets old. As hell. Real quick. Think about it: women get their period, on average, around 12 or 13 years of age and continue going through the monthly process clear up until about 50. The only breaks--Lord willing--we get is when we're lugging around a 5 pound midget in our gut. So, when men boo-hoo about the 2-3 days out of the month when the women in their life act like complete lunatics, I say: man up. If you can't deal with a little verbal abuse for a couple days, then you have bigger problems than you think. Why don't you help your women find some solutions? Go get some evening primrose or herbal remedies for PMS, research and purchase something that might help. Make suggestions--when she is not pre-menstrual, might I add to be safe. Because just sitting around barking about how being rude is not the answer doesn't do anything but make us more mad, more whatever extreme emotion we're experiencing. Be smart, gentleman, and be sensitive. It could be worse; she could be pregnant.
"just the two of us/we can make it if we try/just the two of us..."--Bill WithersAs far as celebrities I thought I'd never have anything in common with go, Mya ranks pretty high up on the list. But as she enters her second year of celibacy, I'm discovering more and more of a kinship... Joining the ranks of celebs hitting the web to rant and rail against the media and the ever-elusive "them", "y'all", and "they", Mya "My Ass Is Like Whoa" Harrison decided to set the record straight on the many rumors that have been circulating concerning her love life, her career plans, and the [in]occupation of her uterus. Apparently, she's not dating a billionaire, nor is she pregnant, penning a "Superhead"-esque autobiography, or even mildly intriguing at this point in time. Hey, I feel her. Hats off to her for not only diplomatically setting the record straight, but setting a good example while threatening bodily harm. Even in the age of Michelle Obama, Black women can take pride in that innate skill.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
new opportunist in Oprah's life, a portly and pathetic old man who undoubtedly is still trying to
"you nasty girl/you nasty you trashy/you classless girl/you sleazy/you freaky girl..."--Destiny's Child
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
"the more and more i looked out for you/you tried to play me like a fool..."--Keyshia Cole
"what can we say/it's family..."--Jill ScottMy grandmother, Gwendolyn Mae aka Grandmommy, was the best cook I have ever known. She loved cooking more than anything, and the praise she earned from it was her life's bread. Everyone who ever tasted her food marveled at her talent and once in her home, people ate until they were sick. That said, it would probably disturb a whole lot of those folks
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
"well i don't care too much for money/cuz money can't buy me love..."--The BeatlesWe all know that love don't cost a thing, but apparently sex does. And sex with a virgin will really break the bank. Let's just call this another victim of the economy, shall we? For those of you too lazy to click on links, 22 year-old Natalie Dylan has decided to hawk her innocence on the Internet for money to get her graduate degree. She's really coming up in the process, however, because even the best degrees in the country don't cost more than $300K. She's been offered $3.7 million. That's a whole lot of master's degrees. Some might call this innovative and entrepreneurial; and some might think it's great that a 22 year-old even has virginity to sell and that it's wonderful that she so values education. I, however, have a few issues with this young woman's decision, that I will share after the jump. The first major issue here is that this girl is following in the footsteps of an older sister who financed her own education by becomine a prostitute for three weeks. I won't attack prostitutes--everyone does what they need to do to get by. But honestly, making it common knowledge and flaunting it around is a little beyond the pale. I wonder if it's a sign of high self-esteem or extremely low self-esteem that causes one to sell their body for school funds? Either way, I suppose $3.7 million could easily remedy whatever it is. Natalie also said she doesn't find her virginity to be "significant". If not, then why has she kept it for so long? I'm curious. Could it be the degree in Women's Studies? Could it be that she's not into men, anyhow? Makes you wonder... Finally, for whatever reason, we know that men love a virgin. But who knew they were worth millions? Seriously, 10,000 men have bid on this chick. Is innocence and an untouched quality that desirable to today's man? These can't all be freaks and weirdos. Who knew? Maybe we should take this as a lesson not to spread ourselves so thin. Although sadly, even knowing I could have come up on almost $4 million at some point in the future wouldn't have kept me from "the d" back in the day.
"i love you/in your big jeans/you give me nice dreams/you make me wanna scream/ooh ooh ooh..."--Salt N' Pepa
Monday, January 12, 2009
"ain't no feeling like being free..."--Destiny's Child