Thursday, March 26, 2009

New Rule: Mandatory Racism Disclaimers

"my president is black/in fact he's half white/so if you got a racist mind you be aight..."--Jay-Z

I hold these truths to be self-evident: that there is currently an abundance of right-wing media
junkies with radically racist ideas masked as "political views." I have no problem with Ann Coulter, Tammy Bruce (who recently classified Michelle Obama as "trash" and Rush Limbaugh (who has consistently classified both President and Mrs. Obama as "angry") being radically racist, as they most certainly are. I just feel that it would be wisest and more comfortable for us all for them to out as racists. We live in America and it's 2009! People are open with their struggles in this age of psychotherapy and Dr. Phil (mutually exclusive, yes). Let's just be open with our prejudices! I think we'd all be shocked how much more understanding and open people are when we're just honest about who we truly are and how we feel...

Wouldn't you agree, Rush? Oh, I'm sorry--I'll wait while you take your pills...................................Better? Oh, sorry...................................................okay, you good? Great, okay, so listen: you seem like the type of guy who values honesty. So let's deal with some facts. You don't like Black people. You don't like Black Democrats and, exemplified in your recent scuffle with Michael Steele, you don't much care for Black Republicans, either. You probably adore Justice Clarence Thomas, but sorry, that's really not saying much. Rush, just be up front: you love your good, old-fashioned heartland White folks with their old-school, backwards ideas of progress, and their disdain for sharing any small portion of whatever wealth they've been able to accumulate with others. And that's okay! Everyone is entitled to their opinion, their likes and dislikes. It's just not right--and very unfair to those who have already valiantly outed themselves as hatemongers like our beloved countrymen Jesse Helms, Trent Lott, and David Duke --for you to go on pretending that your views are entrenched in your deep love for country and capitalism.

Oh, and Tammy. Really? You? You're so nationally insignificant that you had to hijack Laura Ingraham's radio program to get attention for your racism. And if your views were even the slightest bit important, you'd have had more of a voice during the election and wouldn't be finding yourself in this matrix-esque conundrum with this unbearable "trash" in the White House. Let this be a lesson for you moving forward: Carpe Diem. Life is short and there's so much hate to go around. Why wait? Declare it today! 

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