Thursday, March 5, 2009

Daily DIC: Tough Love

"in a relationship and faithful to a ***** so whack..."--T.I.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about this, and I don't want to judge it too prematurely. But since it's produced by the wonderful folks who brought us He's Just Not That Into You, I'm pretty concerned. This new show is called Tough Love, and a male matchmaker--son of a veteran female matchmaker--is 'giving it straight' to your regular old, run-of-the-mill crazy, desperate chicks. Listen, maybe I'm the clueless one and what I really need is some guy to tell me what all men are thinking about me, degrade me, and break me down to "build me up again" the right way. But I doubt it. Video after the jump. 

I feel really strongly about a few things concerning women and "finding Mr. Right" that this show overlooks in the name of ratings:
  • While there are some pure idiot women who deserve to be paraded around like zoo animals for their behavior during their "search for Mr. Right", there are just as many if not more women with their heads on relatively straight and that deserve some respect if their journey is a bit longer than the next girl's.
  • There are honestly some of us out there who are NOT SEARCHING FOR MR. RIGHT. I suppose we're not very interesting, though, unless we're bitter bitches. People love to perpetuate the "desperate single woman" stereotype and exploit single women's dating escapades as though unmarried women are constantly playing the "Searching For Hubby" game like men play Madden. It's not every woman's number one goal and the first thing she thinks of when she wakes up and the last thing she thinks of at night. Some women are content to let love come to them when it comes, and those women deserve to not be exploited at the expense of heartless assholes who find it amusing that women so desperately need to be loved. 
  • Women don't need to know what men are thinking. Women need to know what *they* are thinking. Focusing on what men are thinking has gotten me and a whole lot of other women into some pretty deep...holes. Women need to know themselves for themselves, because one of the things I "know for sure" as Oprah would say is that every man in my life is attracted to women who know who the hell they are and don't compromise it. And that's when women feel their sexiest anyhow. We don't need to know what men are thinking. We need to know what one man is thinking, when he's that one man. But paying crazy amounts of attention to what every dude on the street is thinking when he walks past is exactly what makes women act the donkey that men love to point out.
  • I'm concerned, in the current societal climate where women are literally under attack (see vast and increasingly disturbing violence against women), about any show that uses electric shock therapy to help women find a husband. Particularly since there is a clip where he shocks a woman for bringing up her ex-boyfriends. True, it's kind of a no-no and more true that women need to understand that things need to be laid out and not just passed out freely, but could we not just get some feedback after the date instead of spending the entire meal being electrocuted? I worry about a situation in which women are forced to develop some ridiculous Pavlovian responses to sharing their thoughts and feelings. 

I will say that I'm comforted by the fact that the token Black chick in the equation seems to be relatively sane, although she apparently consults her cat on her love life. Of course with Black women's reality television history on VH1, I think that someone talking to a cat is incredibly mild. All in all, it looks like it would be entertaining but I'm not sure I can support it. At a time when women need to be feeling empowered, I feel that this whole He's Just Not That Into You-Tough Love-Bachelor epidemic that's sweeping the nation is making women even more neurotic than ever. What happened to encouraging women to "relax/relate/release" or "let it go"? What happened to feel-good -isms and encouraging self-love as a means to getting the love you want? In an increasingly greedy ADHD society that's obsessed with instant gratification, women expect to be able to find the love of their lives on the turn of a dime. It's possible, but not probable. And it's even more probable that watching some dude criticize and belittle correct other women won't make you a better a lover, girlfriend, or date. It will just make you another woman watching other women get corrected for being themselves, and being kept from men who can get to know and love the real them because of, not in spite of. And maybe that's not Bad DIC...but it sure doesn't feel Good to me.

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