B.I.C.:: She's Worth The Trouble.: Crazy Baby Lady Update

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Crazy Baby Lady Update

"damn/i think i wanna have yo baby..."--Salt N' Pepa

Already Nadya's BIC is turning into something less humorous or interesting and more creepy and disturbing. That said, all she deserves at this point is bullets. Updates include:

Victor Munoz, Nadya's publicist, publicly dumped her, calling her "nuts". Um, yeah!
Nadya's dad bought a house in La Habra with for the clan.
The older children are depressed...in other news, no one blames them.
Nadya's children are beginning to wonder who Daddy is. If she knew, maybe she would tell them.

That's all, folks. I can't...I just can't.

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The Definition of BIC

BIC [bik]
-NOUN

a woman
-"No, that BIC didn’t show up at your mama’s house again!?"

a situation in which a man fears for his personal security and sanity as a result of female psychosis

–“Man, I knew I was dealing with BIC when she sent me thirty text messages in an hour.”
the bizarre, mind-boggling, or categorically terrifying behavior of a woman that causes a man to think or, in the worst cases actually say out loud “this b&tch is crazy!”.
-Jamal's girlfriend Mary was beautiful and smart, but her BIC often threw him for a loop.

-ADJECTIVE

a term that qualifies madness and fits of commonly unwarranted hysteria
-phrase: BIC behavior
-Mary’s BIC behavior that day was not actually attributable to any one thing Jamal had done.
a term that qualifies madness and fits of warranted hysteria
-phrase: BIC behavior
-Mary’s BIC behavior that evening was attributable to the lies Jamal had told that morning.
a term that qualifies a propensity towards sheer insanity
-phrase: BIC tendencies
-Though she was cool in the beginning, Mary’s BIC tendencies were increasingly evident as Jamal’s conduct declined.

Rules of BIC.

1. Crazy in Love is *not* just a song.
2. BIC can be used for good and bad.
3. Men often share responsibility for BIC due to their propensity to drive women to hysterics for little reason other than laziness or enjoyment.
4.Guys: No sex will ever be good enough to take in more BIC than you were designed to handle.
5. Some of the craziest women are some of the most brilliant people you will ever meet.
7. Some of the most beautiful women are some of the craziest people you will ever meet.
8. Love is a rarely mentioned but highly infectious STD.
9. The insanity of women throughout history has contributed irrevocably to the world in which we now live (suffrage, abolition, civil rights, environmentalism...)
10. In the interest of clarity, the noun "lunatic" (read: negative connotation) as applied to women is often interchangeable with the adjective "passionate" (read: positive connotation).
11. "Crazy" is the most predictable term (depending on who you are) for a willful woman who refuses to be silenced, marginalized or ignored.

The Male Persuasion: What Men Can Do To Avoid [Excess] BIC

1. Don’t front: you know what women like. Give your BIC a healthy dose of [sincere] compliments.
2. NEVER go beyond a passing comment about another woman’s attractiveness (i.e. “she’s pretty”). I can't really help you if you don't understand this.
3. Tell the truth. Liars always get the worst of BIC behavior.
4. Don’t try to make a woman feel stupid when you know she’s right. (i.e. “Baby, why does something have to be wrong when I don’t call for a week? [My ex] being in town had nothing to do with it!”)
5. Remember little things like special days. Thoughtfulness can help when you do something disgusting; you can always refer her back to your 'above and beyond' moments of glory to tone down the fallout.
6. Avoid leaving communication devices around at all times. Even if you’re squeaky clean (which you’re probably not), something can always be misconstrued.

The Origins of BIC

B.I.C. (or the more user-friendly BIC; pronounced "bik") was coined by blog author Ashleigh Marie and her equally-unbalanced first cousin Tyra in 2003 as an ongoing investigation into some of men's favorite comments "[that] b*tch is crazy", "[this] b*tch is crazy]", and the ever-popular "[y'all] b*tch[es] is crazy". By the way, for some reason or another, plural or not, "is" always remains. Anyhow, we noticed, scientifically speaking, that whenever a man called a woman--or us--crazy, he was indeed correct. This piqued our curiosity, prompted us to investigate, and resulted in our findings that women are, in fact, insane.
Anything crazy that a woman thinks, says, or does falls under BIC law. In order to understand this more fully, picture "that" man (use iconic substitution--the Chris Rocks, Richard Pryors, Martin Lawrence and Dave Chappelles work well here) , and if you can see him saying "that bitch is crazy" for whatever you may be thinking, saying or doing, then the correct term for your behavior is "BIC".

Below you'll find some exerpts from emails between Tyra and myself over the years that will explain how you, too, can quickly integrate BIC into your vocabulary.

An email from Tyra to Ashleigh in October 2004 reads:
"I had to tell someone, but I had to chose carefully to avoid BIC implications. Cause it sounds pretty odd. He's this perfect kinda guy I always go for...mysterious and distant and naturally a terrible choice. For me there is just something so alluring about knowing he's totally wrong and still pursuing..."

Another email from Tyra to Ashleigh in 2006 reads:
"The dinner was really nice, but ____& I stopped at the bar and all the BIC sh*t that was going through my mind came to a ghetto head. I'm really NOT going to get into it, but it was a very ugly situation..."

An excerpt from an email from Ashleigh to Tyra in 2007 reads:
"Hey baby..I called you last night because I did the biggest BIC thing ever. It was actually quite empowering and I"m reveling and rolling around in my craziness, unapologetically I might add..."

To which Tyra responded to Ashleigh with:
"What's up sexy? I haven't had any interesting or truly BIC moments since the proposal. lol. You know me, and I have to ask...did you let [him] hit that? Cause nothin will have a girl that BIC quite like some d**k."

Got the hang of it? Try it in a few sentences today. There are plenty of opportunities to get familiar with the term.