Sunday, February 1, 2009

Skinny Women Are Evil

"you see me in the club/rollin your eyes/chicks like you gets no love/hatin on me..."--Mya

I really don't think Alessandra Ambrosio realizes what a stake has been driven in my heart by her revelation that she hasn't done anything but yoga once a damn week since giving birth three months ago. I think something is really wrong in the world when this broad is able to sashay-shauntay her butt down the runway in pretty much nothing but some draws and a pair of wings three months after pushing a kid out and look like this. Meanwhile, it should be common knowledge that if I don't take the proper precautions of daily two-hour workouts, three 1.5 liters of Evian, and obscene amounts of celery and carrots, then three months after I give birth I'll be getting peeled off my living room couch by the paramedics like Gilbert Grape's mama.

Cheers Alessandra. Enjoy your genetic advantage over 98% of the other women on the face of the earth.

Of course...I'm not bitter.

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