Thursday, January 29, 2009

Aint None Of Your Friends Business

"the rumors was/so numerous/for stickin by me i had to give ya two thumbs up..."--Kanye West

So Ted Haggard (gay evangelical minister caught trolling for young men AND crystal meth) and his apparently long-suffering wife Gayle went onto Oprah--which is, coincidentally, the new mecca for men of God with sexual demons. I'm not even going to address the complexity in the mind of the BIC that marries an evangelical minister that straight up tells you that he struggles with homosexuality. It's too deep for me and I really have no right to speak on it. Thus, I'm far more interested in the third party BIC in this situation. In part four of the video in the link, when Oprah asks Gayle the burning question "Why did you stay?" she smiles sweetly and responds, "You know, that is the question I'm asked in the grocery store almost daily; why did you stay? We want to hear".

The grocery store? I could see asking in church. I could even somehow envision asking even after a particularly sweaty exercise class.  Asking such a thing might not be so bad at the playground on the mothers' bench. But the grocery store? Someone walks up to you in the feminine products aisle and just strikes up a conversation about the 'mo sleeping in your bed?That's actually not okay. Especially because you already know who's asking: the Gladys Kravitzes and Miss "You Ain't Heard That From Me" Benitas of the world, who figure that they can take home and stir up some scintillating gossip with their Ground Round. Gayle obviously does not share these sentiments because number one she's on Oprah, and number two she says this matter-of-factly, as though it is normal for strangers to approach a woman in public and essentially ask why she continues to live with a man who is probably mentally picturing Brad Pitt when he hits it from behind.

Well, I'll just put everyone on notice that regardless of my personal circumstance, chicks in the grocery store would get a whole other taste of my BIC if they ever approached me with some intrusive foolishness like that. If you have a highly personal question, please email me. Write me a letter. Do not ever walk up to me in produce and inquire about the most personal and frankly, humiliating aspects of my life and my marriage, especially when you've never met my husband and don't know me. I'm just saying. There's a right way and wrong way to do things, and some people pathologically blur the line. Of course, we have a name for those girls around these parts.

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