Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I'm Back Bitches!

"im talkin bout how i used to love it when you whispered to me/tell me that you love me and those beautiful things/baby won't you come back cuz i'm really in need..."--Mariah Carey

So, I've decided that the thoughts running through my head are entirely too looney tunes to not be sharing them with like-minded broads. Taking inventory, there is absolutely no reason an attractive, single woman who encounters nothing but losers shouldn't be sharing her trials and tribulations with the masses. That said, I'm upping my posting game. I know you guys miss me--especially when I still get at least 50 unique visitors a month to a site that is hardly ever updated--and I miss you, too. And so my vow is that you will hear from me far more often, at least several times a week. Hope you're glad to have me back like i'm glad to have you! Smooches...

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Saturday, September 12, 2009

Baby Love

"as long as you're happy/i'm happy too/it's a delight/I gave you life..."--Amel Larrieux

Now *this* is what I call the real picture of a mother's love. Coming out in your red lipstick and sheer sleeves and throwing up the "Roc" sign for your daughter's husband. Have to love Miss Tina.

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Saturday, August 15, 2009

Daily BIC: Pissed Press

"you should think twice/about the way you been talkin to me..."--Destiny's Child

I absolutely love the smell of fresh BIC in the morning. I'm *so* late, but I absolutely could not let one more day pass without blessing my blog about crazy women with this wonderful clip of our Secretary of State snapping her neck at an unsuspecting African reporter. This is the stuff BIC is made of. I do this for moments like this one. And I truly love Hillary Clinton. She's just so effing reliable. I adore the little touches in her BIC--the mussed hair, the tired eyes, the "are you serious!?" look she gave the kid, coupled with her "Cita"-style flop back against her chair after she said her piece...in the words of Carrie Bradshaw: "it's too good!". It's just too good.

Video after the jump.

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Friday, May 1, 2009

Lesbian BIC

"woman to woman..."--Shirley Murdock

"I'm done with the man thing. You need to move on in life." Wish it was that easy!

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DIC Report

"****** is crazy baby/don't forget that boy told ya..."--Jay-Z

The Passion of Mel Gibson [People]

Should Something "Green" Be This Controversial? [HuffPost]

Hopefully This Won't Turn Into Kate Plus Eight Minus One [People]

Keith Lewis Needs To Be Slapped [HuffPost]

Please Show Me A Man Who Can Act Right [TMZ]

There Comes A Time When Arm Curls With A Barbell Are More Important Than Arm Curls With A Fork. I'm Just Saying. [Bossip]

Yup...Still A Tool [HuffPost]

It Takes A Real Loser To Worsen Opinion Of Yourself With Silence [WSJ]

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BIC Report

"and the girls go crazy..."--R. Kelly

Crazy Horse Bonnie Fuller Strikes Again [HuffPost]

Happy Mother's Day [YBF]

Ummm...Kirstie? Maybe...Maybe Not. [People]

Hillary Spices It Up [HuffPost]

Elizabeth Edwards Thinks The Other Woman Is Pathetic [NYDaily]

Jenna Bush Watch Out: Chelsea's Dad Is Way More Popular [Boston]

A Day Late And A Dollar Short [Bossip]

Performance BIC [Bossip]

Once A Fatty, Always A Fatty [People]

R.I.P. Golden BIC [People]

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Put That Ice Cream Down

"why's your back mo bigga than the usual/lil mama why you so fat/how long did it take that thang to grow..."--Trey Songz

A word to the wise: It matters not how much he hurt you--you will only be hurting your wallet if your relationship makes you spiral into morbid obesity (and you know who you are!). United Airlines is taking a hard line on this by taking some drastic measures that I personally find both hilarious and necessary. All the 'big-bone-ded' folks who can't buckle the belt in their seats, or worse, spill into yours, will either be asked to purchase an extra seat or to 'walk it out' to their destination. Tough break. But I know this will have me running a little faster on the treadmill in the morning...who wants to risk being asked to step off the plane because of the size of their ass? Which begs another question--what about the 'sistas' who aren't really fat, but whose asses are out of control?? As my father always says, "we'll see, said the blind man..."

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Monday, March 30, 2009

Daily DIC: Good DIC/Bad DIC

"****** is crazy baby/don't forget that boy told you..."--Jay-Z

Good DIC is sticking up for your friends when the whole world is laughing at them.

Bad DIC is asking another man to marry you in front of the whole world.

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Sunday, March 29, 2009

BIC Report

"and the girls go crazy..."--R. Kelly

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree [People]

Open Marriage Schmariage [RTE]

Good Thing Jay's Behind A Desk [Jezebel]

Why Does It Seem Like Her Tune Has Changed? [HuffPost]

How Much Classier Is Padma Than Paris? [Huffpost]

BIC On A Stick And No One Can Wait [NYPost]

Little Late For The Pistol...And No One Believes You, Either [NYDaily]

Charlotte, Yes. Miranda? Ehhh..Ok. Carrie? Nooooooo.... [JustJared]

2009 Initiative: Stop Waiting Years To Tell Someone "You're The Father!" [UsWeekly]

Scary Republican Lady M.B. Is Back In Effect [TPMDC]

Kim K Gets My Vote For Not Giving A Damn [People]

More BIC after the jump...

Beyonce's Waist Is 19 Inches... [Bossip]

...And Glad To See Someone Else Thinks That's A Lie [MediaTakeout]

"Do You Like It? It's Spanx!" [Jezebel]

Keri *Is* Studying Her Haters [Bossip]

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Daily BIC: Single Asians

"all the single asians/all the single asians..."--Mixed Company of Yale 

These girls spent precious time that could have been spent studying:

  • Memorizing the choreography to the "Single Ladies" video.
  • Coming up with new, easier choreography that all of them could sensibly do.
  • Writing lyrics about slurping sushi (yulck!)....and all that jazz.
  • Locating a cameraman that wouldn't laugh at them...or would at least laugh with them instead.
  • Securing a studio in which to film.
  • Determining who was the 'strongest singer' [ole girl who sang the first verse was, I think, their best offering] and would thus open up, and further determining who was the 'strongest dancer' and would thus bring up the rear of the line.
  • Transposing their 'single asian' Ivy League-experience onto Beyonce's club anthem.
  • BIC

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    Thursday, March 26, 2009

    Daily DIC: Unforgivable

    "in tight jeans/chinese eyes/indian hair/black girl ass..."--Memphis Bleek

     
     It's possible that Diddy is still in character from A Raisin in the Sun because his attitude on color is purely 20th century. Although I'm sure he'll have an "explanation" for it, Diddy's having a casting call for a new Ciroc Vodka ad on Friday that specifically requests "white, hispanic, or light-skinned african-american" women. Apparently, no darkies need apply. And since everything Diddy does is about the almighty dollar and/or attention, there's little doubt that he feels tossing some chocolate chicks in the mix might hit his wallet--or his ego--too hard. Oh, it's fine to use your average gorgeous dark-skinned woman with a big, fat ass in tomfoolery like your club banger music videos--in which he never seems to lyrically leave the strip club--but in the fly, classy Ciroc ads with the Sinatra music and perfect lighting, he wants only the 'light, bright, and damn-near-white' to apply. As usual when dealing with Diddy, I'm offended as a Black woman. But what I'd be even more offended by is if he re-releases the casting call Yung Berg-style, asking for only dark-skinned women like we're all stupid. In the timeless words of Kat Williams, "Don't be sorry, ho, be careful!"

    More evidence of Puff's color complex after the jump.

    When Mr. Wonderful first debuted the name "Diddy", he made a video of the same name, featuring a pretty darker caramel-colored chick we were to assume was "Tondelea", the "hot girl" because "everybody wanted to slay her." Oh, but here's the kicker: sweet, brown Tondelea wasn't "fond of players." No, no, she only wanted "ballers to spoil her." In laymen's terms, Tondelea was a gold-digging groupie that would spread 'em wide for anyone driving a Bentley down "1-2-5 and St. Nick." And as Diddy instructs women to do in the vast majority of his songs, "Tondelea" shook her sweet, brown ass to the phat Pharrell beat, rubbed up against Diddy suggestively, and simulated an orgasm. Classy.

    Around the same time, Diddy did a tender Hip-Hop Soul ballad that was widely assumed to be about his lost love, Jennifer Lopez. Featured in that video was a beautiful, yet certainly fair-skinned Eishia Brightwell. Rhyming about his lost love, Eishia spent the majority of the video swathed in blankets and in Diddy's arms being kissed and caressed. Then, more recently Diddy did a little ditty with Keyshia Cole by the name of "Last Night." Featured as his love interest in that video is racially-ambiguous redbone Dena Cali, whose absence tortures him as he tearfully abuses a larger-than-life wall hanging of her face. I know, I know. It always hurts to lose a good light-skinned chick.

    Fast forward to this coming Friday, when yet again, the classy, sweet, beautiful visuals will be saved for not only light-skinned chicks, but White and Hispanic girls as well. Spit in our faces, pleeeeaase, Diddy! We don't mind! Even in the age of Michelle Obama, we'll accept you denying every opportunity to showcase the diversity of beauty of the Black woman. We'll accept you making us look small and divisive as a people, even though someone of your stature and clout could have made great strides in this area by now. No, we don't mind you selling us short. We'll drink your vodka and watch your MTV shows, accept you dropping the mother of three of your children for a racially-ambiguous 10 year-old whose first music video featured her fellating a random dude on grainy 33 mm, and we'll line up around the corner to be exploited in your music videos as money-grubbing strippers. We'll still love you and we'll still support you. Which, ironically, comes from ages of degradation just like your little casting call. But it's possible I'm just being a killjoy. So I guess all I can say is...cheers! BIC

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    New Rule: Mandatory Racism Disclaimers

    "my president is black/in fact he's half white/so if you got a racist mind you be aight..."--Jay-Z

    I hold these truths to be self-evident: that there is currently an abundance of right-wing media
    junkies with radically racist ideas masked as "political views." I have no problem with Ann Coulter, Tammy Bruce (who recently classified Michelle Obama as "trash" and Rush Limbaugh (who has consistently classified both President and Mrs. Obama as "angry") being radically racist, as they most certainly are. I just feel that it would be wisest and more comfortable for us all for them to out as racists. We live in America and it's 2009! People are open with their struggles in this age of psychotherapy and Dr. Phil (mutually exclusive, yes). Let's just be open with our prejudices! I think we'd all be shocked how much more understanding and open people are when we're just honest about who we truly are and how we feel...

    Wouldn't you agree, Rush? Oh, I'm sorry--I'll wait while you take your pills...................................Better? Oh, sorry...................................................okay, you good? Great, okay, so listen: you seem like the type of guy who values honesty. So let's deal with some facts. You don't like Black people. You don't like Black Democrats and, exemplified in your recent scuffle with Michael Steele, you don't much care for Black Republicans, either. You probably adore Justice Clarence Thomas, but sorry, that's really not saying much. Rush, just be up front: you love your good, old-fashioned heartland White folks with their old-school, backwards ideas of progress, and their disdain for sharing any small portion of whatever wealth they've been able to accumulate with others. And that's okay! Everyone is entitled to their opinion, their likes and dislikes. It's just not right--and very unfair to those who have already valiantly outed themselves as hatemongers like our beloved countrymen Jesse Helms, Trent Lott, and David Duke --for you to go on pretending that your views are entrenched in your deep love for country and capitalism.

    Oh, and Tammy. Really? You? You're so nationally insignificant that you had to hijack Laura Ingraham's radio program to get attention for your racism. And if your views were even the slightest bit important, you'd have had more of a voice during the election and wouldn't be finding yourself in this matrix-esque conundrum with this unbearable "trash" in the White House. Let this be a lesson for you moving forward: Carpe Diem. Life is short and there's so much hate to go around. Why wait? Declare it today! 

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    Sunday, March 22, 2009

    BIC Report

    "and the girls go crazy..."--R.Kelly

    Say It With Me: "Shut Up, Camille" [Salon]

    When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong: The Debbie Allen Edition (Far Left Of Pic) [BlackSnob]

    Aww...First She Twittered Her Childbirth, Now She Twitters Her Stalking [Bossip]

    Surely You Didn't Think It Was Her Idea [Slate]

    Whoopi, Are You Trying To Fool Us Into Thinking You Care? [ContactMusic]

    More BIC after the jump...

    Don't Get Too Close To The Candles [Bossip]

    Well...We Should Just Glad To See She Has A Song In Her Heart [ThatBlackGirl]

    How Much Can You Not Stand Those Black Women? [Bossip]

    Would You Abort Someone Else's Baby If You Could? [Slate]

    Angela Davis Is Up To Her Old Tricks [Bossip]

    Oh Sarah... [AnchorageDaily]

    Does This Look Like An Heiress? [SignOnSanDiego]

    I Feel Like Ellen Wrote This [HuffPost]

    Apparently, The World Really Isn't Enough [HuffPost]

    Go Off On Bush And Officially Out Yourself In One Fell Swoop[WWD]

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    It Can't Stay This Good For Long

    "just as Christ was a superstar/you stupid star/they'll hail you/then nail you/no matter who you are..."--Lauryn Hill

    I know I'm just one among the throngs of Black American--hell, Black women internationally--thoroughly enjoying the laser attention and wild praise being lavished on the US' new First Lady, Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama. Even as Barack begins his first cycle of character skewering at the hands of the establishment, Michelle is not only being handled with kid gloves but is being all but french-kissed by the media. Yes, it's a wonderful thing to watch. I'm all about Mrs. Obama--never have I been so proud and so honored to be represented by someone and to have someone go before me in this manner. And although I ultimately found countless reasons to vote for Barack Obama, his better half was my very first reason for jumping into his camp. Michelle is everything I ever dreamed the first Black First Lady would and never thought she'd actually be. She's poised and articulate, authentic and genuine, stylish and self-deprecating, completely confident and utterly humble. She makes it look so easy when we all know it's anything but. She's an amazing and dedicated mother and wife, an educated professional,a tireless friend, daughter, sister and colleague, someone who takes life firmly by the reigns but never, ever too seriously. She is truly the embodiment of the long list of invaluable qualities about Black women, and I absolutely adore her. And yet, I cringe every time I pick up a paper or go online to find glowing commentary like this, this, or this. My heart just whispers "this cannot last for long"...

    I genuinely think Michelle is in a class all by herself--never in my lifetime have we been privileged to employ a First Lady this amazingly fierce. Hillary Clinton came close, and I don't think for one minute she lacked one bit of the fire or juice Michelle has while her husband was in office. But it must be said that by virtue of Hillary's race--and the genuine disdain the Right had for her involvement in policy affairs, particularly her healthcare initiatives--she was far more widely despised, and ultimately muzzled. Michelle represents Black women, who do things a little differently. First of all, we're not easily silenced or easily offended by vilification, particularly once in a power position. We're used to being told to sit down and shut up, and we got real tired of acquiescing a long time ago. This has led to numerous watercooler-bound SNL and MadTV skits replete with shaking necks and snapping fingers, which inevitably spiraled into fundamental societal indoctrination. For the most historically oppressed of both the race and gender classifications, we know intimately what it's like to be on the bottom and we generally have little issue going back there for something we truly believe in. This is particularly applicable when we're in a solid power position (see Oprah's revolutionary ethnocentric evolution over the past five years). 

    Whether anyone likes it or not, Michelle will be the First Lady of this country until at least 2013. And I believe that she will work her way up to some very important and poignant work in her role. Clearly, in fact, because she's already begun. And yet, though I sense that she really doesn't care much about public opinion after the ringer of a campaign that dragged her through the mud and labeled her an angry, emasculating, race-mongering terrorist, a bad mother and a worse wife, I am bracing myself for the windstorm turning of the tide that will inevitably hit her.

    We know not the day nor the hour and we have no idea who will throw the first punch. But it is almost as certain as the sun will rise and go down again that at some point, the media's affair with Michelle's toned arms, brilliant parenting, garden-planting, and history-celebrating will cease and she will once again be subject to attacks for any little small thing she opts to do or say. I have faith that Michelle can take it, I just don't know if I can. After growing up in a world where myself and other young Black women were victims of random attacks and painful stereotypes, I want us to be able to settle comfortably into a life where we're seen internationally as elegant, intelligent, and progressive enough to transcend all the negativity and rise to the position of not only the spouse of the Leader of the Free World, but the Leader of the Free World, period. But there's a natural fear in getting too comfortable with that position. There's nothing as certain as death and taxes, but almost just as certain is the old adage "they'll hail you/then nail you." It's something of which anyone that's celebrated must be acutely aware: with the sunshine comes the rain. I am enjoying Michelle's--and by proxy, the Black American woman's--day in the sun, but I don't kid myself that the honeymoon will never end. Let a passing comment of Michelle's appear too "angry" or too "militant " and the Ann Coulters, Peggy Noonans, and even the Maureen Dowds of the world will take up arms and begin to throw spears again. And oddly, the only thing I can think of in response to that is the final lines of a letter that Star Jones wrote to Bill O'Reilly when he was shooting off the gun of his mouth in a blatant character assassination of Michelle during the Democratic primaries last year--"Be clear Bill O'Reilly: there will be no lynch party for that black woman. And this black woman assures you that if you come for her, you come for all of us."

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    Sunday, March 15, 2009

    Throwback BIC: Lovergirl

    "i just want to be your lovegirl/i just want to rock your world..."--Teena Marie

    We all know that too many renditions of "I just want to be your lovegirl" leads to "I need your lovin" which leads to "fire and desire" which bursts into flame and culminates in "every little bit hurts" and finally leaves you "out on a limb". So the lyrics, as with all Throwback BIC jams, qualify this diddy alone. Add to that the overuse of the gauzy lens and the fact that Teena was clearly not playing that huge guitar she strapped on. And of course, 80's BIC is the best BIC because of the hair. Enjoy!

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    Twitter BIC

    "do you know/what it feels like/for a girl..."-Madonna

    I think that crazy women everywhere are rolling around a bit in the burgeoning popularity of Twitter. Finally, a play-by-play outlet for your craziest thoughts and moments. Erykah Badu twittered the birth of her newest daughter, M.I.A. twittered just after the birth of her son. Solange twitters every crazy thing that happens to her (getting sick on the plane, fainting in the airport, tour bus accidents) and also uses it to tell people what's on her mind about various news items and trends. Rihanna even twittered a response to Oprah's show about domestic violence. But isn't it a little scary to have a place where women can talk about all the crazy mess that's on their minds? Obviously, this is the new wave. In my mind's eye, I see a future of the internet flooded with tweets about breakups, birthing tweets, tweets about men, and pms rants. Which is sexist, but do you really put it past us? I mean...really. Do you? 

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    Lesbian BIC

    "please have my baby/yeah i'm talkin to you..."--Lloyd

    This brings a whole new spin to the old "he got me pregnant so I couldn't leave" trick.

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    Stop The Madness

    "when the drama starts to hit the fan/raise your voice but not your hand..."--Keke Wyatt

    I've actually had enough. Add to the DIC list of women-abusers Joe Torry and (collective gasp) Minister Bebe Winans. Add to the BIC list Rihanna, who twittered how much Oprah doesn't know about what's best for her when we all saw this. Add to your mental rolodex the fact that almost half of 200 teenage girls interviewed about violence said Rihanna was responsible and 44% of them said fighting is routine in a relationship.

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    DIC Report

    "****** is crazy baby/don't forget that boy told ya..."--Jay-Z

    Nervous Laughter: The Bane Of His Campaign And Still Kickin [HuffPost]

    Maybe Barack Should Be Nervous [CNN]

    I Still Haven't Quite Decided If We Should Laugh [HuffPost]

    I Feel That By 2012, He Will Be Thoroughly Inappropriate [HuffPost]

    It Must Have Been Good [Bossip]

    Someone Please Tell Him The Election Is Over [Politico]

    "Had You For Eighteen Years" [Google]

    Added To The List Of Things To Never Utter On The Radio [Bossip]

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    BIC Report

    "and the girls go crazy..."--R. Kelly

    Yeah, I Said It: Kristen Wiig Is Too Funny For SNL [Jezebel]

    And Apparently So Is Andy Samberg's Mom [Jezebel]

    Laura Ingraham Needs To Get Laid [HuffPost]

    Jessica Simpson Begs American Public Not To Call Her Fat [HuffPost]

    I'm Starting The Rumor: Elaine Wynn And Ruth Madoff Are Lesbians Together [HuffPost][NYPost]

    Seeing How The Jig Is Up On The Whole Virgin Thing... [People]

    Just Like Mama, Bristol Palin Really Knows How To Pick 'Em [HuffPost]

    Michelle: "Just Want To Make Sure: I'm On This Cover Alone, Right?" Oprah: "Michelle, Please Don't Ask Dumb Questions" [BlackSnob]

    Pack Your Bags! In Atlanta, You Can Be A Housewife Without Being A Wife Or Having A House [Bossip]

    More BIC after the jump...

    Ummm...Let's Not Get Carried Away [Slate]

    My Grandmother Warned: Marry An Ugly Man And It's The Children That Will Pay [Slate]

    Yet Another Way To Ensure Your Daughter's Life Is One Long Walk of Shame [Jezebel]

    Meghan McCain: Unafraid To Not Be A Featured Speaker At The 2012 Republican Convention In Guam [HuffPost][HuffPost]

    Hayden Panettiere Does Outwardly BIC [UsMag]

    More Powerful Than A Locomotive [ChiTribune]

    Accepting Bets That This Won't Prevent Tyra Telling The Contestants They Don't Want It Bad Enough [HuffPost]

    Oh, Dana... [HuffPost]

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    Thursday, March 12, 2009

    Throwback BIC: My Man

    "two or three/girls has he/that he likes as well as me/but i love him/i don't know why i should/he isn't true/he beats me too/what can i do..."--Diana Ross

    Backstory: 1979, and Diana had just started divorce proceedings with the father of her children, Robert Ellis Silberstein, after a particularly rocky marriage and it's written all over her face. Apparently this song hit a bit close to home. I honestly don't even think I'm Coming Out is a good enough actress to strike this much of an emotional chord and it not be mostly authentic. Classic, and classic BIC.

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    Daily BIC: Great White Weave

    "i like a girl with extensions in her hair/bamboo earrings/at least two pair..."--LL Cool J

    The comedy--and the BIC--in this is not that Katie Holmes went and got herself some brand spanking new hair, but that White girls have *finally* gotten with the 21st century and traded in the tired old "extensions" label for what it really is: a weave.
    With the influx of White women adding hair to their heads, both well (evidenced by Katie) and very, very poorly (evidenced by Britney Spears and Paris Hilton--exposed tracks are a no-no), it's nice to see that our melanin-challenged sisters are finally joining the OT's (Original Tressologists, Black and Latina women) and calling a spade a spade. If you add pounds of someone else's locks to your head, then that's a weave, plain and simple. I'm glad we're all in agreement!

    >>read more

    Daily DIC: Def Poets

    "she said/she'd prefer a broken neck/to another broken  heart..."--Amir Sulaiman

    The Truth....

    >>read more

    Wednesday, March 11, 2009

    Crazy Baby Lady Update

    "damn/i think i wanna have yo baby..."--Salt N' Pepa

    Already Nadya's BIC is turning into something less humorous or interesting and more creepy and disturbing. That said, all she deserves at this point is bullets. Updates include:  
    That's all, folks. I can't...I just can't.

    >>read more

    Tuesday, March 10, 2009

    Daily DIC: The Saga Continues

    "cuz i'm her ex-friend/ex-homie/ex-lover/so stop the phone calls/voicemails et cetera..."--Yung Texxus

    He's been outed and disgraced, spent 99 days in jail, and been relegated to a sales job in Texas, but Kwame Kilpatrick's public shaming is far from over. This week, the flogging continues with the release of even more texts--only this time they're not just between he and his mistress/Chief of Staff, Christine Beatty, but a whole new cast of characters.
    The new players include his sister Ayanna, who calls the Kilpatrick's constituents "idiots", and his wife Carlita, who speculates that he's having an affair(ya think?) and insults Eminem (yes, that Eminem). [HuffPost]

    >>read more

    Sunday, March 8, 2009

    The RiBICulousness of Bonnie Fuller

    "but i don't mind if you come and play with us/just don't talk too much..."--Colby O'Donis

    She's been named "Editor of the Year" by Advertising Age twice. She's served as the editor-in-chief for such huge American publications as YM, Cosmopolitan, and Us Weekly. She is the former Vice-President and Editorial Director for American Media, and now Bonnie Fuller is CEO of the sure-to-become-a-conglomerate, Bonnie Fuller Media. Bonnie Fuller is an incredibly accomplished woman. And yet, she's one of the most ridiculous women I know. To see what I mean, simply go to Bonnie's page on Huffington Post and read some of the headlines she's posted over the past year. Now, I know that she's a master at spin, a master at stoking the fires of celebrity and fully plugging the American public knee-deep in gossip veiled as pop culture news. But honestly, you would never know that she's an accomplished writer and publishing executive by the Tourett's Syndrome-esque headlines she's made her mark. You would never guess the breadth of Fuller's influence by what she deems reportable from day to day. And here's why.

    Bonnie Fuller makes rash, broad, sweeping generalizations about absolutely everything. She's like an SNL character that's only slightly--albeit painfully--funny. When Anne Hathaway's very longterm romance was interrupted by the fact that her boyfriend was a liar and thief who might be headed to the clanker, Bonnie's response to the situation was "Anne Hathaway--It's Time To Get Smart About The Men You Date!", as though Anne had spent the past 15 years on a never-ending trampfest. That particular romance was actually, if I'm not mistaken, Anne's first and only public relationship and she seemed to be deeply in love. That Bonnie minimized it to such frivolity while maximizing it to a federal case made her sound like an idiot. Then, after John Travolta and Kelly Preston's only son died suddenly earlier this year after injuring himself during a seizure, Bonnie quickly published "John Travolta Tragedy: Why Are Celebrities Cursed?", in which she trotted out John and Kelly's ultimate misfortune and plastered it alongside freakshow deaths like Anna Nicole's and Michael Kennedy's. She even asserts that celebrities have disproportionate amounts of tragedy because they drink-and-drug too much and have too much vacation time. Of course, this was wildly inappropriate for an article posted under the pretense of being about the horrible and unfortunate death of an innocent, sick 16 year-old boy.

    Bonnie Fuller also sounds like a sloppy mix of a twelve year-old mean girl and a bored 76 year-old stoop-ridden grandmother in the vein of Miss Benita. It seems she sits around thinking of the silliest things that women can think of--why Michelle Obama absolutely MUST get pregnant, like, now, and why Jennifer Aniston needs to shut up and stop "dissing" Brad and Angelina and the press (which, it must be said, she was not doing repeatedly). Giving voice to such drivel makes women look dumber than ever. And since women's stock is quickly plummeting in the society's eye (degrading amounts of violence against us, He's just Not That Into You/Tough Love, Sarah Palin) I think we should take all the smart we can get right now.

    Bonnie Fuller is also, for someone who is supposed to have their finger on the pulse of pop culture and hotness, consistently and tragically wrong. Some gem headlines from the past year include "Obama! If You Want To Win--Boot Biden Now And Bring Back Hillary!", "Michelle Obama Pregnant? Why The Nation Needs Her Bundle of Joy". I must add that shortly after Bonnie's "Shut Up Jen!" article about Jennifer Aniston "dissing" the media and her ex and essentially alienating her public, her new film Marley & Me made a disgusting amount of money at the box office. Apparently, the public didn't agree with Bonnie's assessment.

    Bonnie also has the perverse habit of linking just about anything she can pull out of her hat together without any real concern for how the two things are interrelated. Prime example is her recent post on Rihanna titled "Tina Turner to Rihanna: Leave Chris Brown Now!". Of course, while this implies that those words actually left Tina's mouth, the entire article is instead about how Rihanna should read Tina's book and then leave Chris Brown. Riiiight. Because 21 year-old girls will read Tina Turner's biography and see the next 20 years of their life the way Tina's was right before she broke away from Ike. And plus, they're two Black entertainer couples, why not? Not like Bonnie could have said "Loni Anderson to Rihanna: Leave Chris Now!" I suppose, and yet, Bonnie never really makes her case for the connection.

    The last thing I want to do is dog a woman who's made such a name for herself, so much so that she wrote a book called The Joys of Too Much: Go For the Big Life--The Great Career, The Perfect Guy, and Everything Else You've Ever Wanted. But Bonnie Fuller is probably one of the biggest things wrong with pop culture today. Her sweaty, gossipy tone that never really coherently makes any important statements, chips away our nerves. And so, I'll say it how Bonnie would best like to hear it: "Wow! Bonnie Fuller Is Super Annoying And Always Talking About The Dumbest Stuff!!"

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    Saturday, March 7, 2009

    Daily DIC: Song Cry

    "but deep inside a ***** so sick..."--Jay-Z

    The other day I found myself thinking about the house that I found so beautiful in the 2002 Jay-Z video for "Song Cry". I was in love with the bedroom back then. Well, I went to Youtube to catch the video, and to my surprise the bedroom was no longer so beautiful to me. Bygones. I did, however, spot a comically interesting comment from a Youtube-er, "Lil J"*...clearly a male. The quote read "How was I 2 kno u was plain sick of me? Dats wat im askin now", which lead me to the hilarious conclusion that "Lil J"*, invariably feeling a bit despondent as he reminisced on how badly he'd mistreated his now-departed girl, logged onto Youtube to see what Jigga had to say about his state of sorrow. In my mind's eye, Lil J sits in front of his Mac, head in palm, slumped across his desk watching the video repeatedly to numb the pain. Sound familiar? Maybe we're not alone, ladies. There's life on their planet after all.

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    Thursday, March 5, 2009

    Daily BIC: McMeltdown

    "just one of dem days..."--Monica

    I need someone to interview this woman and confirm my sneaking suspicion that she is pre-
    menstrual. I have personally feared that I would end up behind bars for some of the stunts I've pulled during my own special time of the month. On top of unexpected tears, debilitating sexual urges and an angry, senseless outburst at someone who was just trying to help, my PMDD usually involves some type of chocolate, but I suppose I can see where a 10-piece McNugget would drive one to call the Feds. The other notable BIC in this equation is the cashier who refused to refund homegirl's money once the McNugget fiasco was uncovered. Since when can you not get a refund for an item that was out of stock and in what part of America do employees still take such ownership over food at McDonald's? When I was in high school, anyone I knew that worked at McDonald's got fired for giving away so much free food. Things to think about. In any case, this is clearly BIC. Cheers.

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    Daily DIC: Tough Love

    "in a relationship and faithful to a ***** so whack..."--T.I.

    I'm not quite sure how to feel about this, and I don't want to judge it too prematurely. But since it's produced by the wonderful folks who brought us He's Just Not That Into You, I'm pretty concerned. This new show is called Tough Love, and a male matchmaker--son of a veteran female matchmaker--is 'giving it straight' to your regular old, run-of-the-mill crazy, desperate chicks. Listen, maybe I'm the clueless one and what I really need is some guy to tell me what all men are thinking about me, degrade me, and break me down to "build me up again" the right way. But I doubt it. Video after the jump. 

    I feel really strongly about a few things concerning women and "finding Mr. Right" that this show overlooks in the name of ratings:
    • While there are some pure idiot women who deserve to be paraded around like zoo animals for their behavior during their "search for Mr. Right", there are just as many if not more women with their heads on relatively straight and that deserve some respect if their journey is a bit longer than the next girl's.
    • There are honestly some of us out there who are NOT SEARCHING FOR MR. RIGHT. I suppose we're not very interesting, though, unless we're bitter bitches. People love to perpetuate the "desperate single woman" stereotype and exploit single women's dating escapades as though unmarried women are constantly playing the "Searching For Hubby" game like men play Madden. It's not every woman's number one goal and the first thing she thinks of when she wakes up and the last thing she thinks of at night. Some women are content to let love come to them when it comes, and those women deserve to not be exploited at the expense of heartless assholes who find it amusing that women so desperately need to be loved. 
    • Women don't need to know what men are thinking. Women need to know what *they* are thinking. Focusing on what men are thinking has gotten me and a whole lot of other women into some pretty deep...holes. Women need to know themselves for themselves, because one of the things I "know for sure" as Oprah would say is that every man in my life is attracted to women who know who the hell they are and don't compromise it. And that's when women feel their sexiest anyhow. We don't need to know what men are thinking. We need to know what one man is thinking, when he's that one man. But paying crazy amounts of attention to what every dude on the street is thinking when he walks past is exactly what makes women act the donkey that men love to point out.
    • I'm concerned, in the current societal climate where women are literally under attack (see vast and increasingly disturbing violence against women), about any show that uses electric shock therapy to help women find a husband. Particularly since there is a clip where he shocks a woman for bringing up her ex-boyfriends. True, it's kind of a no-no and more true that women need to understand that things need to be laid out and not just passed out freely, but could we not just get some feedback after the date instead of spending the entire meal being electrocuted? I worry about a situation in which women are forced to develop some ridiculous Pavlovian responses to sharing their thoughts and feelings. 

    I will say that I'm comforted by the fact that the token Black chick in the equation seems to be relatively sane, although she apparently consults her cat on her love life. Of course with Black women's reality television history on VH1, I think that someone talking to a cat is incredibly mild. All in all, it looks like it would be entertaining but I'm not sure I can support it. At a time when women need to be feeling empowered, I feel that this whole He's Just Not That Into You-Tough Love-Bachelor epidemic that's sweeping the nation is making women even more neurotic than ever. What happened to encouraging women to "relax/relate/release" or "let it go"? What happened to feel-good -isms and encouraging self-love as a means to getting the love you want? In an increasingly greedy ADHD society that's obsessed with instant gratification, women expect to be able to find the love of their lives on the turn of a dime. It's possible, but not probable. And it's even more probable that watching some dude criticize and belittle correct other women won't make you a better a lover, girlfriend, or date. It will just make you another woman watching other women get corrected for being themselves, and being kept from men who can get to know and love the real them because of, not in spite of. And maybe that's not Bad DIC...but it sure doesn't feel Good to me.

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    Good DIC/Bad DIC

    "if you really wanna work it out then stop denyin/quit livin in the past it's time you faced the truth/if it's ever gonna work it you gotta stop lyin/stop blamin her when it's you..."--Usher

    Thank you Usher!

    Negativity will not ruin this moment, therefore you will find Bad DIC after the jump...

    Umm....Rush Limbaugh is officially smoking crack. Not that anyone is surprised. Crack is actually probably a step up.

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    Tuesday, March 3, 2009

    Daily DIC: Two Republicans Go Into A Bar...

    "it's so good/lovin somebody/when somebody loves you back..."--Teddy Pendergrass

    In light of his "hip-hop" escapades over the past week, buzzing about the media circuit drinking the Kool-Aid and using every tired urban slang word he could scrape up in an effort to make the   Republican party home to the hip and cool (c'mon man),  it's unsurprising that Michael Steele dribbled a little truth serum down his chin in his appearance on D.L. Hughley's D.L. Hughley Breaks The News on CNN. He called Rush Limbaugh an "entertainer" (classic!) that said some "ugly", "incendiary" things. All true. He forgot self-indulgent, self-absorbed fascist pig that sweats profusely, but I'll forgive him the omission. In any case, that was the good DIC. Bad DIC after the jump.

    Michael Steele, who calls himself the "Man of Steel", went "hand in hat" (as Keli Goff so poignantly pointed out) and apologized to said fascist pig, Rush Limbaugh. I really don't need to go into it, but Keli's article is worth a read. Michael, if you're going to be super Black Republican, please grab your nuts. We are aware that you have common sense. Please use it. The end.

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    Daily BIC: I'll Give You Something To Cry About

    "i'll be more than a woman/more than enough for you..."--Aaliyah

    I think we can all agree that Nancy Pelosi is the definition of ballsy. In fact, I think that if Nancy Pelosi gave Hillary Clinton one of her cojones, they'd both have two. Majority Leader Pelosi, quickly tiring of the Republican whining reverberating all over Congressional Hill, laid down the law in order to let everybody know what it is and what it's gonna be. It was said in classically crispy Nancy language, but translation was that she's tolerated the complaints long enough so shut up. Although we all know what Republicans think of Nancy, no one can deny her power right now. As long as she continues to use her BIC for good, we're behind her.

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    Not Just Another Celebrity Perfume

    "you kick it like me no exaggeration necessary/livin revolutionary/nothin less than legendary..."--T.I.

    Although Britney, Celine, J.Lo, Beyonce, and Paris have largely ruined the celebrity fragrance market for moi, I must say that I am muy, muy intrigued by Halle's new scent. I am really not ashamed to say that this is the only celebrity fragrance I would wear. First, because it's Halle, the OB[IC]--who doesn't love Halle (David Justice excepted)--and secondly, because for some reason I'm already convinced it smells amazing. Mas fotos de promocion after the jump.

                      

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    BIC Report

    "he want a fight/well now he's got one/he ain't seen me crazy yet..."--Miranda Lambert

    Unlike Some Artists, That Solange Knowles Is An Open Book [Bossip]

    New Unceremoniously Fired Hall Of Fame Inductee. Somewhere, Star Jones Is Nodding Approvingly [DailyBeast]

    Contrary To Popular Believe, Morgan's Sidekick Says She Wasn't Going Down In The Delta. In Other News, Gloria Allred Is An Opportunist [HuffPost]

    Disturbing On At Least Five Easily Recognizable Levels [HuffPost]

    When Will She Learn: There's A Fine Line Between Adopting A New Diet And Adopting A New Tailor [CelebSlam]

    Nipple Fountain Of Youth Alert: Let Us All Aspire To Such Flyness At Fifty [Huffpost]

    More BIC after the jump...

    The New Hot Ish: Quit Then Tattle. This Way, You're Broke And Despised. [LemonDrop]

    Who Agrees That One Is Enough? [UPI]

    The Flip Side Of BIC: Afraid To Be Too Crazy? [Forbes]

    She Get It From Her Mama [LemonDrop]

    Self-Esteem. It Does A Body Good. [LemonDrop]

    I Think Women Living In The Islamic Republic Deserve A Drink Every Now And Then [HuffPost]

    Just Imagine: 250 Years Earlier and TJ Could Have Been Sasha and Malia's Dad [HuffPost]

    Character Actresses!! Gross! [HuffPost]

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    DIC Report

    "n***** is crazy baby/don't forget that boy told ya..."--Jay-Z

    I'm Trusting Spike For This Rebuttal [Bossip]

    I Rarely Say This, But Kanye: Shut Up [Bossip]

    Odd How The Conservatives Are So Often The Most Embarrassing To Their Race [HuffPost]

    All Of A Sudden I Wish I Was Dumb [Slate]

    Little DIC [NYDailyNews]

    I Really, Really Wish A ***** Would [LemonDrop]

    DIC Or BIC? You Decide [NYDailyNews]

    More DIC after the jump...

    Tyler, If You're Serious, I Will Pay You [HuffPost]

    This Is Why He's Getting The Big Bucks [HuffPost]

    Prayerfully, Louis Pulled Him To The Side To Nix Any Thoughts Of Dog Leashes In The Mosque [HuffPost]

    Diddy Is Disgusting [People]

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    Monday, March 2, 2009

    Crazy Baby Lady Update (and Daily DIC)

    "baby all i wanna do/is spend my life with you/have three, four kids by you/and have some more if you want me to..."--Brandy

    Presenting: Denis Beaudoin, former boyfriend of Crazy Baby Lady (I refuse to use "Octomom" since it implies that she only has eight children) and possible babydaddy to the entire Suleman brood. Even though Denis is a cutie, and admirable for stepping up to the plate--even as a married father of two--to try to handle his possible responsibilities (and even offering to help if none of the children are his), I have some issues with him. The first major thing that comes to mind is that he seems to be a little on the slow side. Because to the naked eye--however cynical it might be--it really appears that Suleman pimped him for his little soldiers. She got the poor guy to do a "sperm donation" three times (i.e. jack it in a cup in her master bath), which she subsequently "put between her breasts" for warm safekeepings and sped over to her lunatic physicians' office to get IVF. Denis dear: did you ever consider that it was a bit irregular that she didn't hike you over the doctor's office for, um, a consultation? Did you not feel just a bit silly yanking in the bathroom for someone who claimed cancer as the cause of her infertility? And, using your words, why were you so concerned with "starting a family" with someone who told you she had cancer? Since when is terminal illness an appropriate catalyst for the initiation of family-building? Better ideas abound.

    In other crazy baby lady news... 

    • Nadya was offered $1 million to do a porn. Honestly, I can't vehemently say that her choices in the past have dictated that she wouldn't take them up on it.
    • She's also gripped with fear that after she distended her belly to alien proportions, the hospital won't be releasing her children to her. Apparently, they think her living situation isn't sufficient or appropriate for eight infants. Wonder where they got that idea? 

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    Tuesday, February 24, 2009

    Daily DIC: Are You Gonna Eat That?

    "respect the game/that should be it/what you eat don't make me s***..."--Jay-Z

    Man, I'm really not a huge Schwarzenegger fan. I don't dislike him, and I think he's done some good things for the state of California, but I didn't even vote for the man. So trust me when I tell you that even though I'm a Californian (carpet-bagger, yes, but a Californian for what it's worth) I'm far from being a Schwarz-groupie. However, I definitely respect that man's hustle right here. All the Republican governors who are trying to front on the stimulus by turning down funds? El Terminator dice "dame su dinero". He's partially joking but mostly serious. And I love him for it. Plus, I want my state income tax return, stat. 

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    Monday, February 23, 2009

    Naked Ambition

    "all you catty creatures/i got my better features too/so step aside you leeches/i'm gonna teach a trick to you" --Donna Summer

    Here's the deal. No words are really necessary, but I will point out the Obama picture painted on her thigh. 

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    Throwback BIC: Walk It Out

    "do it how you do it/g'on and walk it out/i said/do it how you do it/g'on and walk it out..."--UNK Ft. 3000 & Jim Jones

    This is was what went for fly in the 60's. Not bad. Remix after the jump. It's my new favorite thing. I had to share...

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    I'm Just Not That Into It

    "met him on sunday/loved him by tuesday afternoon/woke up on friday/changed my whole life to make some room..."--Esthero

     A couple weeks ago, on opening weekend, I went to see a film that a lot of American women went to see: He's Just Not That Into You (HJNTIY). The theater was packed--with women--smacking on popcorn and sipping on Coke Zero as we tried to be enlightened. At least I was trying to be enlightened. Others had clearly come to a) get angry(-ier) about their current situation or a past instance of someone not being that into them, b) cry about every man who had ever hurt them, c) laugh at the stupidity of other women because they had clearly given up on men themselves, or d) spend their Saturday night seeing a star-studded chick flick because they [erroneously] felt nothing in the movie applied to them. Although the film was, by most accounts, fluff that fundamentally portrayed women as incredibly dumb and desperate creatures, there was some unpacking to be done. So instead of being able to fully enjoy the film, I found myself scribbling notes and questions into my PDA. For your pleasure, the major themes I noticed unpacked after the jump.

    Why Are Unattainable Men So Sexy?

    We all know that men with attachments are sexy, but why? I haven't ever quite figured this out, even for myself. In my opinion, formed by years of wondering what my own attraction to the spoken-for or otherwise occupied is, it's that women that have trouble with true, naked intimacy are relieved to find someone for whom they don't feel obligated to bare all. When a man is so obviously holding such a large part of himself from you, there's no compelling reason to be an open book for him, and so while your reasons for not wanting to be open may have nothing to do with other relationships or commitment issues, some women just aren't convinced that a man won't disappoint them once they've spelled themselves completely out. Attached men are virtually risk-free, because even when things fall apart, one only has herself to blame, which can be a welcome relief from pain that ebbs from another [uncontrollable] source. In HJNTIY, Anna (Scarlett Johansson) is sprung over very married Ben (Bradley Cooper). While obviously attracted to Anna, Ben does share with her towards the end of their first conversation that he is married--happily. Anna is so disappointed that she finds herself bitching to her friend, Mary (Drew Barrymore), about it. And Mary does what so many women do, issues a slight admonishment and warning chased quickly by a bevy of stories about women who found their true love while he was still married to another woman. Her mild encouragement of the situation gives Anna the free reign and courage to pursue a married man, and her friend doesn't feel one bit bad about it. Which leads me to the next point.

    Is Most Of Our BIC Organic Or Does It Come From The BIC Of Others? Is BIC Transferred, Like Energy?

    One thing HJNTIY makes clear is that female relationships breed a lot of the delusion and misjudgment about romantic relationships. During the course of the film, desperately single Gigi's (Gennifer Goodwin) relationship with her co-workers Janine (Jennifer Connelly) who is coincidentally married to Ben, and Beth (Jennifer Aniston) who's been trying to egg her live-in love of seven years to marry her, is the source of constant comedy. And yet, Gigi is a sad case--a woman constantly on the prowl for her eternal, perfect love. She obsesses over every number she collects, waits anxiously for men she just met to call, thinks every date is the beginning of the rest of her life. And while it's comical and over the top, it's real. Many of us live our lives this way, biting fingernails waiting for the love of our life to show up. And if he's not the love of our life, we like to try to make him it anyway. It's troublesome to see these larger-than-life issues up on the larger-than-life screen, because it makes clear just how dysfunctional female relationships can be. We never want to hurt each other's feelings, and we want to be hopeless romantics for our friends and sometimes ourselves as well. The cold, hard truth--which we all too often see and don't want to speak--sounds too harsh, too mean and the times when we should say "he's just not that into you" we say "you guys would have such cute kids". Of course, I should add the caveat that men often add exponentially to this conundrum by sending such conflicting messages. Just when women begin to feel that they should move on, a man will step back into the picture and accept more sex (those advertising posters talking about "breakup sex still means you're broken up" really piss me off, by the way--where is the self-control from the male side of the equation?!), or generally begin acting more interested. This is often, of course, just long enough to get the attention they crave back.

    BIC transference often comes down to the simple truth that girlfriends never want to be on the wrong side of history.  If we say "move on, he's not feeling you" and he is, then silently there will always be a side-eye situation from our friend and possibly even Mr. Conflicting Message. If we say "girl, i think he really loves you, you should give him another chance" and he leaves her a broken shell of a person, there's always a bit of guilt for encouraging your friend to shoot for the moon and then watching her crash violently to the Earth. Thus, a vicious cycle is born. All that said, I think women are naturally a little off-balance. After a deep depression coupled with a hysterical laughing jag that suddenly morphed into a horrifyingly long sobbing session in front of my best friend and a drive-thru cashier on Friday, I'm all too aware that the hormones coursing through our body ensure that we are going to have our fair share of unbalanced thoughts, ideas, and half-baked plans. I mean, Tameka Foster Raymond, who my best friend and I have decided is suffering from severe postpartum symptoms, is a prime example of the fact that women don't always make the best decisions. But our friends too often contribute their own hormone-driven craziness into the fray, making bad situations worse.

    With All Of This Intel, Op/Ed, Pontification, and Discussion Are Women Getting Smarter or Dumber?

    The scariest part of HJNTIY for me came after the film. As I was waiting for the bathroom (you already know how long to wait was with all those women and their 32 oz. diet sodas), there was a group of three young twenty-somethings in front of me, talking about the movie. "No, you don't even understand that I am totally dating [that character]! I mean, on Tuesday, we went to lunch, and then he didn't call like, for like two days. But then he totally sent me a text and I'm like 'okay'..." You get the drift. This exchange went on for several minutes, during which she listed at least two blatantly disrespectful slights from this guy. And the entire time I wanted to shake her and ask if she had seen the same film I did. She sounded exactly like the crazy, desperate character in the film--and neither she nor her homegirls were able to see or were willing to acknowledge this. It frightens me to see so many chicks sitting in the theater for 100 minutes watching a film about how insane and ridiculous women's behavior concerning opposite-sex relationships can get, and then to bust out of the theater thinking about how to apply those same insane and ridiculous tactics mocked satirically on-screen to their own dating life. Don't you get it?, I wanted to ask. You sound like an idiot!! "He totally likes you, too," her friend said, and sad, desperate girl seemed happy with this assertion. But when she caught my eye (and sight of my horrified, incredulous gaze) and said "she understands!" I fixed my face and smiled. I nodded. There was no hope for this girl. Why not just give her what she wanted? It would either fall on deaf ears or she would get what I was about to say. "Oh, yeah," I said, "he's totally into you." In a flash, she had her cell out, texting her dignity away.

    Surely No One Believes That Black Women Don't Struggle With HJNTIY Issues

    Which brings me to another point. It's pretty glaringly obvious that there's not one substantial Black role in this film. There is a random Black woman being sexed up on a couch by a wormy White womanizer, but that's about it. I see the logic in that, and I see the prejudice in that as well. There are certainly Black actresses who could have carried, and even added a substantial amount of depth to, one of these roles. But I also see the point that having a Black woman would make it an entirely different film. In the interest of being true to who the characters are, it would have been something of a detour to begin unpacking the neuroses of Black women in relationships, as our cultural allowances and hinderances are vastly misunderstood and misrepresented already. It's not that we're not just as delusional and insane, but our delusion and insanity is demonstrated in much different ways. That said, it wouldn't have hurt to throw Zoe Saldana in Jennifer Connelly's role or something. But bygones.

    My fear for women is deep-seeded because honestly, if you sit through an entire film that tells you your way of relating to men is wrong and gives you a fairly comprehensive picture of what doesn't work, and you're energized by the dont's and disregard the do's, where can help possibly come from? The silver lining is that this site isn't going anywhere for a long, long time because clearly, BIC will never go out of style.

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