Wednesday, June 11, 2008

The B Gets Crazier

"she wants to move..."--N.E.R.D.

Attn: Crazy Chicks/TheBisCrazy.com readership

(clearing my throat) Ladies, ladies, ladies...please excuse my dust as I begin the groundwork for a revolutionary new project for the young urban woman. Debuting later this year, TheBisCrazy.com will go live with an entirely different look, feel, and an amazing new cast of characters joining us. We're working hard to make it something that reaches a large audience, and provides a haven for the young, urban woman. It's been fun so far, but it's time to bring other young women into the fold in the hopes that we can celebrate our shared insanity harder than ever!

In the interim, posts will be few and far between, but the overhaul will be worth it come December. Thanks for bearing with me and thanks always for reading! Besos...

In the meantime, please feel free to peruse through old articles and posts, which will remain fully accessible over the next few months. Thanks!

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Definitely Amazing

"i give to the needy/and not the greedy/mmhmm that's right."--En Vogue

Fellow site definitelyamazing.blogspot.com is not only featuring 90's R&B all week, but they have some great tees by CUT IT OUT Apparel featured as well. I'd like to cop one of those for me and all my girls. Especially "dope enough 2 make you holla & scream". I like "destroy stereotypes" as well, but as much as like the shirt to the left, I have to admit my dirty little secret: sometimes, my name is shorty...and I kinda like it.

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Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Somebody Get Some Water In Here

"gimme/gimme/gimme..."--Jill Scott

Donna Brazile is either not getting enough or getting too much. Either way, honey child definitely has getting her a lil "boo" on her mind. Forget the fact that the term "boo", for all the recent efforts to make it relevant again, should remain in the time capsule from the early part of this decade and be remembered fondly. Of course, Donna is mama age, so she's entitled to the mis- and over- use of old slang. And she's taking full advantage of the privilege. First, she playfully courted Stephen Colbert to come and put that thang on her in Kansas City a few weeks back, and then yesterday she busted out on Anderson Cooper about how he's not her "boo".

Of course, Anderson, oblivious to the meaning of "boo", expressed his desire to take on the role.

I know one thing: Donna would tear his behind up.

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Ask Not What You Can Do For Your Period

"if women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?”--Gloria Steinem

I knew we (and when I say "we" I mean "Ro") were onto something when we decided that BIC is in tune with your menstrual cycle. But it should come as a relief that our periods don't just determine the best time to hide the knives, it can guide you in terms of the best time to execute many decisions. The UK-based Times Online featured an article yesterday advising the best times during your cycle to make certain life changes, including quitting drinking or smoking, starting a new workout plan, meeting a man, or schedule a painful procedure (hello brazilian!?). The article doesn't say so, but I say that you should avoid serious discussion with men about relationships or direction on days 15-28. You can probably reduce your BIC behavior by at least 50%*.

*I do not in any way guarantee this. In fact, I'll be experimenting with the concept myself.

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Daily DIC: Albatross Bill

"baby...he's just gonna drag you down..."--Mama Effie

I really don't want to dwell on this because it upsets me. But how did our beloved William Jefferson Clinton turn out to be such a cad?

We all knew that Bill had a little penis problem, the problem being that he couldn't keep it out of the draws of women to who he was not wed. But we overlooked this little problem because he was just so amazing. Such a charismatic leader, such an awesome man. But, upon reading this article about how Bill shanked Hillary's career, I had to concede (interesting choice of word, huh?) that not only that Bill is a major reason for Hillary's failure to seal the nomimation, but that he's actually done damage to his own brand and legacy in the process. His public whining, finger-wagging, Obama supporter-attacking and strings of curses have been appalling, and exacerbated the sometimes awful behavior of his wife. Things that Hillary might have scrapped under the radar with were zeroed in on because Bill couldn't control himself. And that fact leaves Hillary where she is today. Working from home in Chappaqua trying to drum up [life] support for her ambitions because her headquarters are no more and there are no more votes to be had. It's a wrap.

I'm obviously a huge Barack supporter, so I'm pleased with the outcome. But for the sake of BIC, for the sake of women, I just have to pose the question: how many women out there had the ability and intelligence and disgusting bulldog ferocity to go all the way like Hillary Clinton? Not too many in recent history. And yet, she's been forced to play second fiddle to a man who has effectively repaid her loyalty and support by turning around and ruining her chances at the 2008 presidency. It's not the first time. As this author points out, it was Geraldine Ferraro's husband, James Zaccaro, that ruined her shine as the first female vice-presidential candidate. And although the author doesn't mention it, many believe it was New York Republican politician Jeanine Pirro's husband Albert's philandering and shady business deals that did irreparable damage to her image, effectively dashing her senatorial-turned-attorney general hopes in 2006.

A huge BIC move is tying yourself to a man who's not good for you emotionally, physically, financially, and/or professionally. The irony here is that it's hugely possible that Hillary has become Hillary by being with Bill in the past, while it's nearly certain that without him in the present, she'd probably be president.

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The Daily OMG: The Obamas

"we movin on up/to the East Side/to a deluxe apartment/in the sky..."--Ja'net DuBois and Jeff Barry

June 4, 2008: The First Day of the Rest of Barack and Michelle Obama's Life

Michelle and Barack Obama remind me of me and my friend's parents growing up. Kimberly and I joke all the time that when we see Barack speak, we feel like teenage girls. He's so very "can you drop us off at the corner, Mr. Obama?..Mr. Obama, can we order pizza?" and Michelle is so "All right girls, it's getting too loud in here; calm down.." and "Do you girls want pancakes this morning?" I absolutely can't believe how I see myself and my life reflected in theirs. Even though I've loved many political candidates in the past, not least of all the Clintons, I never felt a candidate and his family the way I feel the Obamas. I love that they embody both the home and values I knew growing up and the home and values I hope and plan to instill in my own home and family when I have my own. The way they're raising their children, the way they relate to one another, their tremendous partnership, their passion and compassion and service are all things I admire.

Congratulations, Obama Family. Can't wait for November.

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You Go Girl

"we shall survive/let us take ourselves along/where we fight our parents out in the streets/to find who's right and who's wrong...--Elton John

You might expect, with how hard I've been on my old role model Hillary in the past few months, for me to have all kinds of symbols going across the screen about her choice to make, not a concession speech, but just...a speech. I won't. I still admire Hillary Rodham Clinton. I still admire her, if for nothing else, her tenacity. I admire her intellect, her stamina, her drive, her poise...and I admire her campaign. Notice that I have not once, in all my griping about this election, called for her to drop out. How dare anyone tell her when and where to leave the campaign? It can't be denied that she's won 17 million votes; that's nothing to sneeze at. And women everywhere are grateful for her trailblazing. But as Hilary Rosen wrote today, it is not Hillary's time, "it is [Barack's] time." Hillary has run a ferocious campaign, and although I do not agree with a lot of the tactics used by she and her team, and although I am not as big a fan of Hillary's as I once was, I am still an admirer.

For a woman to have fight like that is an amazing example of our capacity for greatness, and, (wink wink) a huge testament to what BIC can do. Particularly since Hillary is currently doing the equivalent of a jilted fiancee dragging her would-be bethrothed to the altar and forcing him to tell her friends and family why he doesn't want her. By announcing her openness to being VP and encouraging her supporters to continue to support her and not him, she's essentially forcing Barack to not only "tell her if he doesn't want her" but to explain why. Of course, he doesn't have to, but for a man that's presented himself as completely gracious, stand-up, honest and fundamentally good, he'll feel compelled to offer some explanation. So, hey, the BIC behavior continues. But let that not spoil Hillary's gains, not today. Congratulations, on a hard-fought campaign and for breaking barriers for your cohorts and counterparts, Hillary. We all, for many different reasons but nonetheless it remains, owe you a debt of gratitude.

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Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Daily DIC: John McCain

"go'ne head hoe/beat ya feet..."--Big Boi

In 2000, when I was in college, I so liked John McCain that I briefly flirted with the idea of campaigning for him. I was impressed with his breaks with party lines and often-liberal views that still maintained a relative fiscal conservatism, which I tend to advocate. Of course, I came to my senses and campaigned for Bill Bradley instead.

Anyhow, as Arianna Huffington has made clear, the John McCain of yesteryear is no more. Maybe it was the disgusting politics played against him by Rove & Bush in the 2000 election (if you recall, picture flyers were distributed of he and Cindy's adopted daughter from Bangladesh that claimed he had an illegitimate Black child) and he's bitter, or maybe it's because he's getting old enough to be Reagan's grandfather and feels this is his last chance at the glory. Whatever it is, the man is not the same. And he's totally unfit to be president, and that's not just partisanship talking, it's the Truth. People need to know about John McCain's so-called "straight talk". So, please watch the video after the jump...and keep it going.

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Throwback BIC: Stay

"it fits/but you can't make it work/where there's pain/there's got to be hurt..."--Chaka Khan

I know it's been forever since I featured a Throwback BIC that wasn't 90's/early 00's R&B, but it's time to really throw it back. Chaka Khan is a BIC from way back herself, outside of music. My father loves to tell the story of the Pittsburgh concert he attended in the late 70's, in which Chaka showed up three hours late high as a kite (probably off her many drugs of choice at that time), slumped onstage and slurred "wassup Philadelphia!!!" before launching into an extremely off-key rendention of a song no one knew, speaking nonsensically in between verses. Of course, the fans were livid, screaming choruses of "shut up and sing!" and "this is Pittsburgh bitch!".

People began filing out and demanding their money returned. Funny backstory: although my parents had broken up and weren't dating or speaking at the time (of course, because my father refused to be exclusive and my mama unapologetically chunked deuces), my mother was also at that concert, although she and her sister decided to leave early when Chaka didn't show. Good thing my parents didn't run into each other because Daddy was with another chick--who insisted they stay and wait for Chaka--and even though she wouldn't have had a right, my mother would have gotten very BIC anyhow. I might not be here today. Thanks, Chaka, for being a late drug addict. 'Preciate ya.

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Drumroll For The Point Of This

"we don't believe you/you need more people..."--Jay-Z

I would really like to have a sitdown lunch with the editor of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune to examine the actual point of this article, as well as the photo attached.

I realize that a lot of people wonder many Black women regularly add hair to their heads, a lot of people realize that it's now also a big White and "other" girl practice as well. But not only is this poorly written, I wonder why it was necessary to put a picture of this Black woman up that features absolutely nothing mentioned in the caption beneath it. I'm assuming the reporter, Beth Fitzgerald, is not a woman of color (of course, since it's Minneapolis where everyone is bi- or multi-racial I'll probably never know for sure), but please, either tell a real story or don't tell one at all.

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Monday, June 2, 2008

Throwback BIC: Just One Of Dem Days

"as i swing back/mood to mood/it's not because of you..."--Monica

We all knew this was about PMS, even though some of us had never even gotten to PMS yet when this song came out. All my friends and I knew was that this little boy in the video was fine, the song jammed, and the video was tight. And the record still works, even at my advanced age. And even thought it's considered the "PMS" song, I reserve the right to swing back mood to mood for the rest of my natural life, pre-menstrual or not. One of the pleasures of being a woman, wouldn't you say?

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Hey We're Hoes Too!

"i suppose hudson was inserted into the movie--as parker's assistant--to answer the complaints over the years by black america, that there were no black women in this fashionable pay cable tv gang of hos..."--Debbie Schlussel

In her article "Hags and the City", Debbie Schlussel goes off on what she considers to be the hedonism of the Sex and the City movie/show. Of course, I agree with little of it seeing as how I'm one of the biggest SATC fans I know, but I did find it interesting that she introduces the aspect of the lack of black women in the show and JHud being slipped into the movie as some type of pacifier for Black women.

As much as I loved and still love the show, you do have to wonder why there weren't more Blacks featured. It's not like NYC is Salt Lake City. When you walk down the street in NY, you see everything. And as I've seen every single episode at least five times, I can tell you each and every time a Black person showed up, the most memorable ones being when Samantha was screwing the Puffy-esque character and his upscale soul food chef sister couldn't take him dating a White woman; the other being the block of time when Blair Underwood was inexplicably dating Miranda. Oh, and the limo driver taking Carrie home after her book signing extravaganza was Black. And there was once an old Black couple sitting on the Atlantic City Boardwalk watching the sunset and making Carrie feel lonely. I think that's it. The same goes for Hispanics and Asians, by the way. For part of one season, Samantha went les and had Sonia Braga as her Latina lover (sexy Latina lesbians, no cliche there!), and in one episode, she courted Lucy Liu (as herself)as a client. That's about it for them.

I was never enraged at the exclusion of Blacks on the show, but it is curious why nothing was ever done about the lack of diversity on the show even as Sarah Jessica Parker recently said that she realized that the show hadn't always reflected New York in its casting. I remember reading an article years ago on Halle and she mentioned how much she loved the show and wished she could guest star. Obviously, she was never called.

So, what do you think? Do you think Black women should have a huge problem with the fact that what is surely becoming the world's most popular female franchise hasn't reflected any women of color up until now? Your thoughts?

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Daily OMG: Mars Indeed

"when a man gets a hard on, you know where the blood comes from, right? his head and his feet. so a: he's stupid, and b : he can't run."--Savon Garrison

In our constant search for why, why, why men are from m$%#@&!*&^~ Mars, little tidbits of information surface. Finally, someone has scientifically documented the differences in the female and male brains.

  • At any given time, there's 15-20% more blood flow in our brains than theirs. Can anyone argue the validity of that???
  • Men's "memory centre" is less active during emotional experiences. I'll say.
  • Women have more white matter (connected to neural activity) and men have more grey matter (connected to a single active brain centre).This means that we can cook, do work, talk on the phone, watch our favorite TV program and surf the Internet all at the same time, while men, on the other hand, find simultaneous walking and talking challenging.
  • Golden nugget of the article: if a man looks away while a woman is making eye contact and trying to talk to him, it doesn't mean that he doesn't take her seriously. Number one: men listen differently, with less eye contact and interaction, and two: they weren't lying! They actually do have to zone out for a minute every now and then and then return to the conversation. Men's brains actually shut down for a second or two intermittently, unlike women's brains, who never stop.

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Samantha Does the Suburbs

"if we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world. and at the same time have our hands free."--Kim Cattrall

The always risque Kim Cattrall, better known as Samantha Jones from Sex and the City, is getting her own HBO show, Sensitive Skin.

In this one, instead of a middle-aged sexually liberated single power exec in Manhattan, she's a middle-aged wife and mother rediscovering her sexuality. This, coupled with her HBO documentary Sexual Intelligence and the hypersexuality of her SATC character, makes me wonder if it's the people at HBO or Kim herself that have trouble separating sex and her image? Probably Kim.

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Vagina Dialogues

"can you hear/she's callin me/between your legs/loud and clear..."--112

Dr. Belisa Vranich raises an interesting point, incited by her patient calling someone a "see you next Tuesday", a nice little mnemonic device for remembering John McCain's pet name for his wife. Which got me to thinking: I have no problem actually saying the word "cunt", although I hardly see a real-world use for it.

Apparently there's I don't really have a problem with any slang words for genitalia, but as I get older, I can admit I find it a little crass to hear someone blurt out "pussy" for no good reason when they're not talking about a cat. We, as women, can call it just about anything we want, even (gasp!) "vagina". Of course, just because we can call it anything doesn't mean we should. Men, on the other hand, should tread even more cautiously. In fact, men who can find a creative way to talk about it without actually calling "it" anything is a turn-on; I recently got a text message from a guy referencing nether regions that said (amongst other things) "I miss her sooo much", and I have to tell you it did the trick. In any case, adventures in sexting (sex texting) aside, we all have to call it something. And in the interest of not alienating the more conservative of the population in mixed company, we all have to call it something relatively appropriate. A friend of mine's grandmother calls it the "pocketbook"; my own grandmother chose the less cryptic [and more country] "coochie". I've called mine Lola for years, ironically (or weirdly??) the same name I plan to give my first daughter.

What do you call yours?

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NYT Banks On Tyra

"at the turn of the century/it's time for us to redefine who we be..."--India.Arie

She can be annoying as hell, but you cannot knock the hustle.

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Farewell To A Legend

"in designer outfits/while sellin the tag/yves saint laurent boots/yves saint laurent bag..."--Lil Kim

Yves St. Laurent, pioneer of the woman's tuxedo/suit, died Sunday evening in his Paris home. When it was still considered appalling and butch for a woman to wear a suit, his revolutionary designs of figure-flattering pantsuit created an uproar--and changed the face of women's fashion forever. How sexy is a woman in a great tux now? The androgyny of men's fashion on women and the sensuality of it stems from his daring fashion creativity. I've seen and passed on (purse decision, not heart) many a cute YSL outfit/bag/shoe, although I did wear the perfume for a time a couple years back. But as the perpetually broke chapter of my life comes to a thankful end, I'm ecstatic to be the happy owner of plenty of YSL gear. And I'm not just saying that just to speak well of the dead. Next time you're on the shopping trail, pour a little champagne on Neiman's carpet for the homie.

Some of my favorite of his ready-to-wear after the jump.

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Sunday, June 1, 2008

Weekend BIC

"but you ain't finna murder me like everybody else/i'ma rap like i got some type respect for myself..."--Kanye West

Well folks, it's officially hit the fan. That sticky little situation with the Florida and Michigan delegations being in purgatory? Over. Provided you haven't been under a rock, then you well know how both states opted to act outside of party rules and hold primaries out of turn. Because of this choice, their delegates were in danger of not being seated at the Democrats' national convention in August. All candidates pledged to honor party rules and not campaign in either state, and several candidates, including the presumptive democratic nominee Barack Obama, removed their name from the ballot in Michigan. Hillary Clinton opted to both campaign in Florida and leave her name on the ballot in Michigan, and in order to save her campaign, has been lobbying for the party to recognize the votes she received in both states and seat her delegates.

Well, as Hillary wished, the Democratic National Committee has decided that both delegations will be fully seated--the stipulation being that each delegate will have only half a vote. Of course, this majorly disappoints Hillary supporters and Bill Clinton (although, in his typical two-faced fashion, he agreed this was the best solution in private in April), since this effectively slashes the wrists (vertically, not horizontally) of her presidential ambition. Provided she and Bill don't do something disgusting and immoral between now and August, the democratic nominee is Illinois senator Barack Obama.

And now for the BIC. The old White broad set is pissed. In the stinging words of Hillary supporter Harriet Christian of New York City, they now feel like "second-class citizens". I'm very sorry that she feels this way, and even sorrier that she feels so resentful of the "inadequate Black male" running (her words) that she felt the need to have the temper tantrum that could be heard 'round the world. Well, now I get to have a temper tantrum and say to all the old White broads out there who want to make this a racial, gender-based argument can kiss the center part of my asshole. I am so sick--and frankly disgusted with--the Gloria Steinems, Erica Jongs, and especially the Geraldine Ferraros (who is steadfastly dedicating herself to making racism fashionable once again) of the world making the argument that it's a woman's time and that Hillary is here to be the savior for women. I am a woman. And Hillary is not my savior. In fact, I'm thoroughly disenchanted with Senator Clinton at this point. And I don't want to hear anymore hateful old women sounding the gong for their candidate, their "voice", their "time". I was sympathetic at one point, but their venom has gone too far.

If it was to be their time, they should have presented a more prepared candidate with a more solid campaign. If Hillary is the best choice for commander-in-chief, then she would have run a campaign more commensurate with the plan she had for an administration. And I have a few choice words for anyone who disagrees with me. As for Harriet Christian...good luck voting for McCain, honey. If you think you're a second class citizen as a woman now, try putting a president in office who opposes pro-choice, opposes all family planning legislation (contraception, sex education, etc. ), denounced and opposed the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, and publicly called his wife a cunt. See how much girl power you glean off that.

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