"i don’t want to introduce too much of that right now. i don’t want Gwen Stefani stealing my shit."--Erykah Badu a.k.a. Lowdown Loretta Brown
"i don’t want to introduce too much of that right now. i don’t want Gwen Stefani stealing my shit."--Erykah Badu a.k.a. Lowdown Loretta Brown
"do you mind if I stroke you up/do you mind if i stroke you down/all through the night/til your body's tired..."--Changing FacesQuiet as it's kept, R. Kelly (currently on trial for videos that, ironically, could give your computer a virus) is the Diddy of the Nasty R&B genre... He loves to get random women singers and craft careers for them with absolutely no longevity whatsoever. Aaliyah was an anamoly. Where is Sparkle (other than testifying against him), JS, Changing Faces? Conspicuously not on the radio. In any case, no one can argue that the man can't do a sexy single, and this record was no exception. The BIC can be found in the fact that it's produced by one of the biggest DICs we all know. Enjoy!
"the president said, 'you've got to vote your conscience.'”--Scott McClellan
"you got me/speechless..."--Beyonce Knowles CarterNotice I've avoided touching this issue, even though you know I was all over it last week. Apparently, Fixed News Network contributor and conservative journalist Liz Trotta is using Hillary Clinton's crib notes that in the '08, "assassination" is the new "no bitchassedness" or the moniker of a hot new club. Whether or not Hillary meant her statement in the context in which many people took it, Trotta definitely knew what she was saying. She is definitely in the running to be Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person" this week. Disgusting video after the jump.
"you still got it girl/don't you know that you still got it..."--Jamie Foxx
"skirt around my waist/wall against my face/i can feel your lips..."--Janet Jackson1994. Janet. janet. Need I say more? Nobody does el pene quite like the BIC ladies (all that energy has to go somewhere, after all). Similarly, nobody has ever done sex on wax quite like Ms. Jackson and we love her for years of providing a soundtrack for our extra-curricular activity. While she can sometimes take it a little too far and get plain nasty, this cut hit just the right note.
"tell me who joined us in the bed last night/don't look at me crazy/it did not feel right..."--TamiaI. The Accusation II. The Proof III. The Remedy IV. The Clean-Up V. The Consolation or The Consolation It's not just your imagination. Don't let him tell you you're crazy! Trust me. And don't say I never gave you anything...
"i've looked at love/from both sides now/from give and take/and still somehow/it's love's illusions i recall/i really don't know love at all..."--Joni Mitchell
"there's a whole lotta ass back there honey/you better start kissin it darling..."--Diva AvariNow, normally I wouldn't do this, but uh...I could not resist. It's clearly BIC; not sure what else it is, and even moreso not sure whether to laugh or cry. Video after the jump.
“a broad that don’t love me don’t love herself…”-a guy I used to know
"i've given you every bit of the man i am/i know at times it wasn't pretty/but it was all i had..."Usher
"baby/if you cared anything for me/then you woulda been sincere/and i wouldn't be in tears..."--Toni BraxtonRaise your hand if you couldn't believe this chick when the Boomerang soundtrack dropped. I didn't know a damn thing about love bringing anybody home, but I sure wanted to after this was released. Featuring Mary J.'s "Not Gon Cry" as Throwback BIC the other day got me thinking about how tight movie soundtracks were in the 90's, which got me thinking about Boomerang, which is arguably one of the best movie soundtracks of all time. This song was Toni's debut, and here is she is, old nose and all. Finding this video led me to so many great Boomerang scenes, and I would be remiss if I didn't treat you ladies to the cross-marketing excitement of this scene with Halle, janky quality and all. The slap looks like it felt great, but it's the forehead shove that's truly delicious; in fact, I would love to do that to a certain someone right now. Bon appetit!
"i would stop breathing if you told me to/now you're busy loving someone else..."--Mary J. Blige
"what she do/i do better/what she do/to make you love her..."--Monica
"when your mrs. right is always mrs. wrong..."--MusiqWe spend an inordinate amount of time talking about the "bad" guys and the "types" to avoid. We've all gotten those email chain forwards going on and on about Mr. No Commitment, Mr. Lying Scumbag, Mr. Unsure About His Sexuality....it's all so 2007! You know I'm an eternal optimist, and as such, I've decided to pick out some pluses to what we normally consider to be red flags to run. I'm basing these gentleman on men that I've known and would run five miles without stopping to avoid getting into a relationship with. However, I understand that sometimes it gets real and you just need someone there. So if you don't mind ending up like Zoe Kravitz in the "I Know" video...then I'll give you the reasons you're looking for to proceed with the dead-end relationship you're craving. Types You'd Normally Avoid But May Now Give A Chance Mr. Constantly Engaged Many women ask "what's wrong with a man who's been engaged four or five times and never married?" Well, my dear, this is what's called a serial monogamist. He probably falls in love as often as you ovulate and doesn't like the bed-hopping lifestyle. Thus, he'd rather ruin one woman's life at a time. Now, typically this would be a negative, but one thing is crystal clear: the man is fully capable of [some type] of commitment. Be careful how you pray. Mr. Talks About His Ex Constantly Society drills into us how jealous and catty women can be. We secretly all hate each other and begrudge one another happiness. Crazy talk! This world is all about divide and conquer, and the lines are clearly drawn us against them. If you happen upon a perfectly good man who waxes rhapsodic about his lost love with his ex, just remember that another woman is being thought of in a positive way, which should make you happy and joyful for her. Plus, it proves that another lady has succesfully gotten into that last frontier of his heart. So....there's hope for you yet. Mr. Can't Stop Talking About What He's Gonna Do To You...And Can't Everyone loves a dirty talker. Words are power and power is sexy. Unfortunately, there are a pleuthora of gentleman out there who have words for days and nothing to back it up. True, when you actually get it on with them it's like watching the minutes change on your digital alarm clock, but the bright side is that their vivid imaginations and fantastical scenarios can be put to use in your next relationship. They're also at least subconsciously aware of their inferiority and may try to make it up in ways of which you definitely approve. Wink. Mr. Control Freak Some men are obsessed with running your life and your world. If you're an independent thinker like me, this is a huge red flag. However, I encourage you to embrace this man. Ask him straight out if he wants control of your life. If he insists that he does, in fact, want to run your ship, immediately begin faxing scanned copies of your most pressing bills to his email account. If he wants to pick the restaurant, order for you, tell you what to do and insist you take his advice, then he can just take all the responsibility of your life and everybody wins. Mr. Loves The Drank Ahh, nothing like an alcoholic in the morning. Men who drink too much can often be mean, rude, vile and irresponsible. However, they're terribly fun at parties. You might cop one of these around holiday season to stunt with during your party rounds. However, just remember you'll have to adopt the Cinderella schedule--drunks' charms often wear off around midnight. Mr. Mama's Boy What can be wrong with a man who loves his mother? Of course, we tend to get nervous when he talks to him mom on the phone all day on the way to see her, feels comfortable being present and having a conversation with her while she's in the shower or on the toilet, and references her in absolutely everything he says. I, however, encourage these relationships. There are nothing but wonderful things to say about a man who treasures the woman who brought him into the world. And once again, he's clearly capable of commitment. Mr. Hasn't Grown Up And Has No Immediate Plans To Do So There's nothing wrong with a man in touch with his inner kid. So what if he habitually skips work to play video games and calls his friends from the dinner table to talk about music videos? He's fun and he always has great weed and plenty of malt liquor (yum!). Plus, if you do anything illegal ever or your credit score looks like a pre-experiment SAT score from Flowers for Algernon, he so won't judge. Mr. Needy He calls constantly, cries more often than you do, and when you're in bed you always have to hold him. But you must admit he says the sweetest things and is always buying you something to make up for not being the man you really need. Stick it out and you might get a nice vacay out of the situation. Mr. Spread Incredibly Thin So this guy nails everything with two breasts and a lady part. After checking out all his tests, just enjoy the fact that he probably knows what he's doing. If you're into that sort of thing, that is. This is to be continued. There are so many types to
"so you're havin my baby/and it means so much to me..."--Jodeci
"With the notable exceptions of LinkedIn users and venture capitalists in the Bay Area "friending" everyone on Facebook, married men are not hanging out on social networks. Married women, however, are joining social networks in droves. In fact, women between ages 35 and 50 are the fastest-growing segment, especially on MySpace. "--Auren Hoffman
"she wanna talk it out but/ain't nothin to talk about less/we talkin bout freakin out/then maybe we can work it out..."--Kanye WestWe already know that men think we talk too much, or that we always want to talk, or we don't talk at the right times, or that we try to make them talk too much. I've explained how much I hate being a "girl" and consequently a "nag" in relationships, so much so that even though I've ended about four relationships in my life, I've done it face-to-face once. Me personally, I'm a fan of the disappearing act and the ultra-effective, childish body language and silent treatment as primary forms of communication (and now someecards.com), but I'm aware there are mature ways to talk to men. I've actually been a lot better in the past year about employing some of them, but give me your opinions for the sake of discussion. What are some of your tried and true methods of having a very necessary conversation with a man? Any secrets? I've got one, but I'm not telling. Then again, if you know me at all, you're already with me. Make it BIC!
"i don't whore around on my wife...i want people to understand that I would never disrespect my God, my wife or my children."--Kwame Kilpatrick
"i'm sending him a four page letter/and i enclosed it with a kiss/and when i write him he better/get it on time..."--Aaliyah
"when i went to get ect they're telling you 'shock treatments are no longer brutal. it's a walk in the park; they're easy'...but then they handed me the diaper. i knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park, because the diaper implies...a lack of control."--Liz SpikolSo, we're proud of BIC around here. We celebrate BIC. Some people laugh, but we shrug them off. BIC is a celebration of freedom. Being crazy is o-kay. Brakes. Joining our lovefest are some women celebrating being clinically insane. It's call the "Mad Pride" Movement, and apparently, it makes our beloved BIC look like black-and-white television.
"I have a much broader base to build a winning coalition on. [An AP poll] found how Senator Obama's support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me."--Hillary Rodham ClintonFor kicks, HRC's iPod playlist: [Black America] You're so Vain, Lucky (Britney's so misunderstood), You Don't Know My Name, Never Can Say Goodbye, Suddenly I See, If That's What It Takes, Let's Wait Awhile (Remix), Bag Lady, Single White Female, Crazy, It Ain't Over Til It's Over, Not Ready to Make Nice, She Will Be Loved, Flashing Lights, Ex-Factor, Fatty Girl (Bill played this in the car one day and she actually liked the beat)
"she gets carrie fever/but as soon as the show's over/she's right back to bein my soldier..."--Jay-ZI really need to understand how you can get angry about being named "Unsexiest Woman Alive" and wear this organism hat. Maybe she's lashing out. Bygones. I forgive, because, as promised, now begins the obnoxious coverage of the SATC movie's travel to US theaters on May 30. Can't say I didn't warn you. The London premiere was yesterday, and ignoring the plant on Sarah Jessica Parker's dome, looks like a good time was had by all.
"she's been degraded/exploited..."--Jill ScottI'm admittedly feeling a little misanthropic today--and I'll preface this with the fact that some smackers are more welcome than others--but doesn't it sometimes feel as though life is an endless cycle of people trying to get their mouths near your breasts?
"and i don't know what to do with myself/i don't wanna be with nobody else/i just think about you/think about us/think about how much i miss you..."--Mariah Carey
"sometimes it seems/boy i'm neglecting you/i'd love to spend more time/i got so many things to do..."--Vanessa Williams
"the only cruel behavior i've ever done to that man is make him have skim milk in his cappucino. and i did sneak wheat grass once into his freshly-made vegetable juice. i loved and adored him!"--Tricia Walsh-Smith
"my mom said I could..."--bad little boy in commercial belowIs it wonderful or just too bad that we live in a country that would never air this?
"i'll always love my mama/she's my favorite girl..."--The Intruders
"guess what I did today/those were the words i said to you/it was last may/don't know the exact date/in my hand there was a ring/then you told me/that you loved me/more than anything in your life/so i asked you/would you do me/the honor of being my wife..."--Case
"she never knew what hit her/you steal her honey then forget her..."--Aretha Franklin
"i was cool with no commitment/let me take that back/it was you so i was wit it...."--Destiny's Child
"to quote the all-time classic film The Color Purple: I's married now!"--Mariah Carey
"maybe we should ask Barack if he's comfortable or needs another pillow..."--Hillary Clinton
"baby/there's one thing i'll mention/me and her/see she's no competition/so tell her/that you're through with her/and you love me/and that's totally..."--Total
"if [Senator Clinton] gave [Senator Obama] one of her cojones, they'd both have two..."--James Carville
Who doesn't think Hillary Clinton is "tough"? Who really thinks she's a softie? Certainly not I, and if you need any further proof it's in the fact that her tears made front page news. Hillary's been run through the mud by the press for being a proponent of women's careerism, tackled by the Republicans over every little itty bitty thing she said or did for over fifteen years, her daughter's been called ugly (SNL 1993 anyone?) and uglier (John McCain knows he was wrong), and her husband just cannot resist that good oochie coochie with just about anybody willing to have a go (and, quietly, even possibly someone who wasn't). As I've pointed out before, through all of this she's kept her chin up and above the fray and been the very portrait of a "tough" woman. And let's face it, if the fact that you dared to shed a tear is a NY Times headline, then we should all be just a little afraid of you. The thing is, at this point, Hillary is no longer acting "like a man". She's acting like a bitch, or a bitchmade man if you want to go there. I'm not saying there's a "typical" way women behave and a "typical" way men behave, necessarily. Both genders have the capacity for testosterone and estrogen-driven antics. Hillary, who often operates on her respective reserve of testosterone, has let her estrogen take way over--and is still trying to push it as pimp juice. Well, I don't buy it. I hate to point out the obvious, but 'manly' men, the ones with the "cojones", don't go around announcing it and asking everyone to look down their pants at their gigantic member. You know that guy, the one of few words with the mean swagger? The one that when he does speak, it's poignant and meaningful? That's the kind of man that makes me think he's packing. They're the ones that are so comfortable in their manhood that they don't feel the need to constantly grab their nuts and assert themselves in a macho way. They just are. For years, Mrs. Clinton operated exactly like this. She just was Hillary Rodham Clinton. At this point, though, Senator Clinton (if she must be referred to as a man, which seems to be the going consensus all of a sudden) is acting like the man who constantly feels the need to tell you how much he can benchpress, or that he drives some ridiculously overpriced, limited edition car, or how much he makes, or some other inconsequential information that makes him feel like a big, strong guy. Hillary is the snooty, insecure little dude that thinks that his worth is tied up in how many petty little slaps he can dish out on any given day. She's the man at which we all roll our collective eyes because there was no point to what he just said other than to try to gain attention and admiration. The thing is, I do admire Hillary, or I did. The old Hillary was tough. But the toughest thing would have been to admit being underdog way back in January and restructure her campaign to address her own shortcomings, not to begin race-baiting and Karl Rov-ing the other candidate. Real men, real good men, make tough decisions like that and deliver one hard, smooth, confident punch. Bitches start waving their arms around like Whitley Gilbert. I'll give you five seconds to guess which one Hillary has become.
"i'm going to miss playing with sex toys..."--Sue Johanson
"every month, it is woman’s fate to face the abyss of time and being, the abyss which is herself..."--Camille Paglia
"i'm only one woman baby/treat me like a lady..."--JadeOh, Jade. They were never the flyest group back in the day, but they held their own. After my tirade on being treated like a lady yesterday, this song came to mind and lo and behold, it was online. While the record doesn't jam half as hard as the "Just Kickin It"s and "Hat 2 Da Back"s of our youth, it has a great, timeless message (and the obligatory vocally questionable acrobatics employed by several 90's girl groups). Plus, who doesn't hear the hint of BIC creeping into the lyrics here? I definitely hear a tiny threat and a smidgen of a whine, combined with some emotionally-charged rhetoric. All the stuff we like. Enjoy!!
"every man wants a woman he can treat like his homie/take out on the ave and just chill..."--XscapeI'll start by giving this song its props: there was no bigger hit, in my opinion, in 1993. Still in elementary school, I recall many a sleepover teaching ourselves the choreography from the video and arguing over who got to be Kandi. Going back to the BIC, which is where we always go, I'll venture to say that while we all see where the ladies were going with the whole "every man wants a woman who cooks, cleans, is always ready to get it on and is always ready to ride out" theme that was so popular in the "hat to the back" 90's, it's just totally unrealistic. It was this type of thinking that got a whole lot of broads' feelings hurt back in the day (and to this day, to be honest). Yes, you should be your man's friend. We all know this. You should have the fun and trust and openness of a friendship. But what no one could fit into the lyrics of this song or any other one is that you have to establish the respect first before the homie status. Too many women decided to let dudes treat them like a "homie" and not a woman and ended up watching said dudes slide into a relationship with a woman who demanded to be treated like one. Just saying... In any case, enjoy the video. I did so much I watched it twice.