Tuesday, January 29, 2008

There Will Be Blood

"If men could menstruate ... clearly, menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event: Men would brag about how long and how much.... Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free. Of course, some men would still pay for the prestige of such commercial brands as Paul Newman Tampons, Muhammed Ali’s Rope-a-Dope Pads, John Wayne Maxi Pads, and Joe Namath Jock Shields—”For Those Light Bachelor Days.”

-Gloria Steinem

Here's a fun fact: my uterus is retroverted. Which, in laymen's terms, means it's completely tilted backwards. Which, in even more basic laymen's terms, means that when I'm ready to have children I'll have to get on all fours for 10-15 minutes following making love to my husband or even possibly stand on my head against the wall.

The wayward uterus was discovered last year on a day trip to the gynecologist, one of those visits in which you go into the doctor's office before morning rush hour and come out during evening rush hour. First, I had an ultrasound of my ovaries which showed a uterine peculiarity. (Fortunately, the gyne did inform me that I have "beautiful" ovaries...everybody got their somethin', right?) The actual retroversion was discovered during a subsequently uncomfortable procedure, the kind that all women hate-- a sixty-second ordeal involving something metal and large and so painful that I had to remain flat on the table for 15 minutes afterwards, doctor's orders. Standing up, I was informed, would probably cause me to pass out. Anyhow, the procedure served its purpose; it solved the mystery of my inconsistent, painful and heavy periods. Lo and behold, the central component of my reproductive system is literally backward. How appropriate.

I say all this to say, look how intimate women have to be with our bodies. Our systems are like our partners in crime--we are forced to pay attention to its every whimsy. We have to deeply understand the way it works in order to reign in its power. You show me a man who finds it normal to spend an entire day in a doctor's office having his penis examined or watching his insides traipse across ultrasound screens all day. What man knows intimately what his prostate looks like?

Like many women, I look forward to having children. I know for certain I want three children--prayerfully two boys and a girl--in about six years. I know for sure I don't want any children now. Which, in the absence of IUD and high-hormone option contraceptives, means I have to deal with my monthly visits from what we all so fondly know as "Aunt Flo". By the way, in a family as dysfunctional as mine, this aunt fits right in. In any case, running all this through my mind got me to thinking: the older we get, the closer we become with with our bodies. When we're young and new to the game we know instinctively that our periods are connected to childbearing. We might wait with crossed fingers for Flo to come to town just because we don't want to get "in trouble", but the closer we get to actually having children, the old auntie begins to play a different role: shot-caller.

When you're not sure what you should do about your feelings in a relationship, you might begin to use the looming presence of potential pregnancy as a barometer for your relationship. If you are pregnant, what are you going to do? Would you tell him? Would you keep it? Would you secretly be happy? Would you secretly want to impale yourself with a wire hanger? Would you in fact impale yourself with a wire hanger (by the way, I'm raising my hand)? How would he feel? Do you know how each other feels about abortion? Do you even know enough about each other to have discussed it? Your period is like the magic eight-ball answering these questions, forcing you to deal with the reality of your situation...

Just a thought.

>>read more

Saturday, January 26, 2008

The Naked Truth

"What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe, and skin more beautiful that the garment with which it is clothed?"

-Michaelangelo

Okay, I just have to say...the commercials really threw me for a loop. It looked corny, cheesy and any other way to say slightly ridiculous. Not to mention its host is the star from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, whose popularity went out with the the flood. But as I lay dying from the flu this weekend, I happened upon How To Look Good Naked with Carson Kressley and tuned in for an hour.

Honestly, it was a revelation. It really highlighted how women don't perceive their bodies as they are and speaks to all the major insecurities women have, even those they don't acknowledge. Of the two shows I watched, the most moving was a mother and daughter pair who had beautiful figures, and both harbored severe insecurities and misperception of their bodies. The daughter literally had a near perfect shape but broke down into tears when Carson asked her to remove her clothes to her underwear because she hated her thighs and her breasts. The mother was more willing, but was so hard on herself about her stomach and arms that it almost made me cry (the woman looked extra good for 62). Both of them seemed to have a change of heart by the show's end.

By the end of the show, the point is to get the woman, or women in this case, to the point where they can put the proverbial stank on a nude photo shoot which is shown on the side of a building in Santa Monica. It's actually a nude photo shoot with a big colorful scarf being blown across the body, but nude nonetheless. And the process is thorough enough to get them there--not without tears, of course. But then it wouldn't be women's tv if it didn't aim make you cry, right?

And so, I have to give it two thumbs up. Yes, at times it gets a little hokey (it's Carson Kressley for Heaven's sakes), but overall it is moving and effective. Guess that's why Lifetime makes the big bucks...

>>read more

Friday, January 25, 2008

Do You Feel Sorry For Him?: The Obama Edition

"you draw/better be Picasso/y'know, the best/cause if this is not so/then, ahh, God bless/you leave me no choice/i leave you no voice/believe me son i hate to do it just as bad as you hate to see it done..."

-Jay-Z

Okay, we all know who I'm for in November 2008. I want Obama to rock the vote and win the presidency. But quiet as it's kept...you gotta do one small thing before you get to the general election: win your own party's nomination.

Of course, he's come up against some pretty heavy artillery. The Clintons--notice the plural there--have pulled out all the stops since Iowa to make sure that Barack is not victorious in any more states. There are a lot of pundits, activists and voters who've sent up a cry of foulplay and dirty politics--and they're right. However, I think everyone would agree that in order to get to the presidency, one must be taken through the ringer just a bit. And so I don't begrudge the Clintons their joint pummeling of Senator Obama. I do, however, need something from Barack that I've needed for some time now--I need him to really, truly grab his nuts.

Of late, he has gotten much better about speaking out against the Clintons' negativity and distortion, but I've got to say that he has a little ways to go. While he has frequently responded to their most recent comments, I have to say that he has still allowed them to dictate the game and the level at which it's played. What he needs to do is to show us a little more of that "change" he talks about by turning the tables on the negativity and making a playing field all his own.

It seems like the whole political world is wagging their finger at Bill and Hillary and the whole political world feels sorry for Barack Obama. But this is a grown man who is a United States senator and has a rich and consistent background of service congruent with or even surpassing those of his fellow candidates. He has every qualification necessary to be President of the United States. He just needs to make that very clear.

So Barack's gotten beaten up a little. The big question is: do you feel sorry for him? By the showing of your votes, you haven't felt sorry for one man since I started this blog! Not Shaq, not Diddy, not Bill Clinton, not John McCain...so let's see how you're feeling about Barack. Vote to the left!

>>read more

Sunday, January 20, 2008

We're Not Making Love No More

"too late/i put him to sleep/curled all up spasm all in his feet/feelin all good like i did somethin deep/it ain't really nothin it's the way that it be/for a north philly sista reppin hard like me/but why do i feel so empty?"

-Jill Scott

Let's face it: a lot of women did a lot of work a few decades ago taking the stigma away from women expressing themselves sexually in a less chaste, more liberated manner. The womens' lib set really did open the door for a Sex and the City society where women didn't have to be vilified or chastised for entering and exiting sexual situations with ease. In laymen's terms, they made it possible for us to be down with the get down whenever we got good and ready. They also arguably made it easier for men to stick and move, but that's another post.

But this evening I found myself thinking about all of my closest friends--women about my age--and where we were in our relationships with men, sexually speaking. Upon examination, I found that most of my friends are virtually celibate and otherwise practicing extreme chastity being in an engagement or long term monogamous situation. Myself included, we're either in very serious relationships or limiting new sex partners to one or two (or none, hel-lo 2006!!) a year. That picture doesn't really match up with the Cosmopolitan/Elle snapshot of young womanhood we have today. I thought about my network of friends and realized that very few of them have sex with someone new frivolously or just because they need a 'fix'. Not one of these women are abstaining to avoid pregnancy or STD's. No, the major contributors to this behavior seem to be faith, general self-respect and self-knowledge, and striving for the ultimate attainment of true love and/or marriage.

It's funny, because just as little as five years ago, I wouldn't have made this blanket statement. Of course, many of us were brand new to our twenties then, barely legal, and sex was on the same level as underage drinking--something you did made more gratifying by the fact that you probably just shouldn't. Add to that that sex was not actually illegal, and it was made that much more attractive. Expressing our sexuality and learning more about sex in general was definitely on the menu. However, as we get older and begin to truly understand our belief systems, reconciling the lessons from our youth we put away in rebellion with what we've grown to believe from personal experience in the "real world", many of us gravitate towards our faith. Myself personally, I was in church four days a week growing up. Bible study on Wednesday, youth group on Friday nights, choir practice on Saturday afternoon, and church on Sunday morning made Jesus the man in my life for many years. I missed very few Sundays in church growing up, so the first thing I did when I got to college was scrap that. I put my Bible in my desk and spent most Sunday mornings laid up with a man. It was far more important to me to wake up face buried in someone's chest than to head to services to be cradled in the proverbial arms of the Lord. I felt I had served my time and that now I deserved some sensual compensation.

Needless to say, age has matured me not only emotionally, but spiritually. I have found the balance between the religious zealousness of my youth and what I believe in my own walk and commitment to God. I don't believe that you can't have any sex before marriage, but I believe in chastity...meaning you don't spread it too thin and when you do it, it has to mean something. I mean, God specifically says you are joined ("two become one") with whomever you lay down. If you lay down with a prostitute, he tells men, you are then one with her. So, when I lay down, it has to be someone that I don't mind being seen as one with in the eyes of God. We don't have to married, but it has to be understood that we are joined and our souls are tied through the act of sex. It's really that simple. I know plenty of women who share my views, and I know some who take it a step further and while they're far from virgins, their return to a life of faith includes waiting for their husband to have sex again. While I admire that, I have my own selfish beliefs and prejudices against celibacy until marriage. I know too many ignorant people say it, but I just happen to think it's true: I have got to see and feel the penis before I sign up for a lifetime with anybody. Sexual chemistry is just as important in a relationship as seeing eye to eye on family and money, which comes second only to the man's relationship with God. If you can't work it out in the bedroom, everything else will fall apart--at least in my relationship. Sex is very important to me, and if we're not meeting there, chances are we ain't gon meet nowhere. Chuurch. (I will admit that I acknowledge the possibility that this is a development of my own personal faith and a place where I have yet to totally surrender. Time will tell, but for now it's the way I feel.)

And for some young women, their sex choices have little to nothing to do with church or God. Some women--and I feel that I fit into this category as well--have been around the block, seen a thing or two and are generally unimpressed with sex for sex's sake at this point in their lives. My cousin, who wrote a very BIC email to a gentleman on her birthday, said something quite poignant in it that rang very familiar for me. She said:

As far as the text asking me what I want want. The shortest easiest answer to that question is more than you are offering. Essentially you are offering sex with no strings attached. Sex is sex. I am not eager to jump into this kind of situation. If you wanted to f*ck me, you should have tried in college. I was young, naive and trying to figure out sex and my sexuality. I probably would have been up for it. As for now, I guess my response would be "why?".I'm at a point where I feel the need to be convinced. Convince me why you are worth it. You probably can't, and that brings me back to my short answer of more than you are offering. There is not going to be anything spectacular enough about sex with you that justifies the concessions you are asking me to make. This isn't an insult to you, your abilities or whatever male pride you hide behind. Its true of any man. I just don't want to pretend or lie or deal with the bullsh*t your offer entails.

And this is just the reality. Sex is great, but sex is sex. By the time you've reached your mid-twenties, you've had some awkward sex, some horrible, some boring sex, and--fingers crossed--you've had one or two truly mind-blowing sexual experiences. And as wonderful as great sex is, as my friend Orenda says "it's so expensive". It costs so much to have sex as a woman, and I'm not talking about any societal stigmas or anything of the sort. I'm talking about what my cousin addressed: making concessions, dealing with the fallout. Women our age have realized that the whole sexual liberation movement doesn't erase the fact that after he's left your body, he is not chained to your soul in any way, while you very well might be to his. It seems so superfluous, the simple act of entering someone's body. And for years, it seemed to be that way. But as we get older, we see that those times of deep depression and sadness, low self-esteem and unhappiness with our personal relationships came from feeling undervalued after sex. In the time between 21 and now, I've learned about "soul ties", and I now firmly believe that when a man enters your body he leaves something behind that ties your soul to his. That doesn't mean that he is tied to you, and that's the cold water. But something in your soul latches to something in his, and there's no easy way to extract them. Women our age know the pain of learning that someone you trusted enough to let see you naked, come into your body and receive pleasure from you doesn't give a damn about you. And we want to avoid that pain at almost any cost. So we walk away from some attractive men and attractive situations. Because we've learned that sex with no strings attached has strings attached. Like prizefighters learn to duck punches in order to stay in the game longer, we've learned to bob and weave around "fine" or "sexy" or "rich" or any of the other things that are supposed to make men attractive to us. We respect our hearts and minds so much more the older we get, and we're unwilling settle for the moment because we're looking ahead to our lifetime.

Which brings me to the final factor in our decisions about sex. Five years ago getting married seemed ridiculously far away. I personally believed that I would probably move in with my boyfriend around 30 and maybe get married, maybe not. It seemed silly to even contemplate it too hard. However, half a decade later I feel like it's all right around the corner.. And so it makes the idea of casual sex doubly ludicrous. I know that many of my friends agree. When we're now hankering for our "forever" to come along, what sense does it make to waste time with anyone obsessed with an undefined sexual relationship when all we want long-term is definition?

There is beauty in being able to look back and realize that you haven't missed on anything, that you've lived richly and fully. But the true beauty in life is that what makes life rich and full is ever-changing and evolving. There was a time when life was characterized by the shock value of our experiences. Now, for most women, we want life characterized by the exquisiteness of our experiences. Men who can't offer that need not apply. There is a time in life when we eschew love for sex. Being young is all about here and now and feeling good. But as we get older, our desire for the sensual takes on a certain elegance. We want a true experience and something real. After years of grasping at straws in relationships, we either know or imagine how refreshing it is to find something solid on which to lean.

So the bottom line is that most of us are getting laid a lot less than we want to or care to talk about (unless we're in a relationship, that is). But in the meantime we've learned what it takes to get where we're going and most of us have just gotten into a place where we're willing to make the sacrifices necessary to have what we want later. I see the Holy Grail of bottomless sex in my future, but sex with someone I deeply adore and who truly loves and treasures me, both the good and bad. If that means I have to sacrifice some amazing sex with someone who will exit stage left before the end of the first act, then so be it. Sex is something we all want, most of us as much as possible (I know I do). But just as we learned the ins and outs of instant gratification with grades and school and credit and weight management and a myriad of other things that take work, we've learned that we can't just put out and expect to get back something fabulous. Sex is wonderful, and I live for the day we all can have it whenever we want. But I also point out how much better sex is with someone you truly care about and who cares about you. We've all been there at least once or twice. Sex with emotion is the deepest orgasm ever, so much more soul-shaking than regular "good" sex. And so we should all be encouraged. Our abstinence only guarantees that if we put in the sacrifice and work now, we come out stronger on the other side. You know what they say: if you build it, you will come.

>>read more

Oprah Doesn't Care What You Think

"All a man can betray is his own conscience."

-Joseph Conrad

Apparently, there are some
ladies out there that feel that Oprah Winfrey is a "traitor" for picking the (gasp) male presidential candidate over the woman. To this, Oprah says:

Because here's the raw truth that many of the happy housewives and O magazine subscribers don't really want to hear: Oprah does not care what you think. She's not holed up in the living room of her Chicago penthouse or walking the 40 acres of her $50 million Montecito estate crying because some fairweather feminists want to pull her lady card for her beliefs. It's arguable whether she ever cared what you think, but let's not get into minutiae. The present bottom line is that the woman has made you love her, you're addicted and now she's worth over $3 billion dollars and doesn't even have to pretend to appreciate your input into her personal affairs and beliefs, nor pretend to subscribe to the most popular belief system. She could endorse Creflo Dollar for president and your protests would be two tears in a bucket because if no one ever bought one more issue of O magazine or tuned in one more afternoon to her show, or watched one more Hallmark TV-movie of hers, or went to one Broadway play she produced...she would still be sitting on more than most of you, your children, and your grandchildren could ever hope to earn in your lives. So whomever gets the notion should go ahead and call Oprah a "traitor" if it suits his or her fancy. And much like the tree that falls in the forest with no one around to hear it, to Oprah, you'll have barely made a sound.

>>read more

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Stop It Please.

"Gotta get somethin off my chest...."

-Destiny's Child

I'm sorry. There are just some things that have to go in 2008. I'm sure you will agree.

10. DUMB BLACK WOMEN ON TELEVISION
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know I'm not a blonde."
-Dolly Parton

For all my BIC's of the darker skin persuasion, we've been very fortunate. The past few years have focused on the idiocy of the likes of Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears. In the meantime, we've come out smelling like roses to the tune of the Condeleeza Rice, Oprah Winfrey, Jill Scott sets. While reveling in the age of the Brilliant Black Woman, society has continued to languish in the ever-evolving age of the Dumb Blonde.

However, tides are turning and something must be done. Thanks to the innovation of DVR, at nearly every second of the day someone is tuning in to two of the most culturally detrimental figures currently in the public eye. These two women succeed daily in fueling the black bimbo stereotype that, if we're not careful, may just take over:

Sherri "the world is flat/Jesus came first/she's like the Black Patti Labelle" Shephard has GOT to go. I'm fairly certain that when Barbara Walters named her show "The View", all of the "views" on the show were supposed to be informed. I'm also patently certain that Sherri Shephard doesn't even know the meaning of the word "informed".

Tyra Banks, who in all likelihood is not stupid but manages to treat everyone around her as if they are, also needs a new gig. Or since she has a talk show where she speaks to everyone from doctors and other grown people like pre-schoolers, maybe she needs to get a child of her own. As much as I liked her pre-talk show, she manages to embarrass me as a woman and a black woman at least ten times during each telecast with that insipid nodding and the ridiculous bargain-basement Oprah show ideas.

9. JENNY CRAIG
"Never trust a skinny cook...or a fat dietician."
-Anon

You gotta admit, Jenny had a good run for the past few years. She was resurrected from the tragic death of the "it" diets of the 80's, copped a "sexy" new millennium ad campaign and managed to take the edge off Kirstie Alley's obesity. But it's clear the days of glory are nearing an end. In fact, it's just painful to watch at this point. Most of the commercials feature Kirstie in an outfit never quite black enough to hide the fact that she's put on more weight than she's lost of late and Valerie Bertinelli, who is almost certainly not relying solely on Jenny for her pound droppage. Not to mention, being generally nosey and always on the lookout for the quickest cure for my consistently-15-pounds-overweight disease, I curiously ventured into two separate Jenny Craig centers to see exactly what their program is about and in the process uncovered Jenny's darkest secret: everyone who is employed by JC is fat as hell. I'm not kidding. From the managers to the counselors to the receptionist, it ranged from not-so-pleasantly plump to morbidly obese, seemingly based on rank. As in the higher-up the position the sloppier the person. Not encouraging, Jenny. Maybe you should focus on your new senior program--you may be their last hope, but anyone under 75 just needs to get their ass in a gym.

8. eHARMONY COMMERCIALS
"Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
-Sam Keen

As sweet as is the concept of people finding true love, the only thing that rings in my head as I watch the regrettably pathetic eHarmony commercials is the theme song to MadTV's Lowered Expectations. It's not even that the people are unattractive, there is just something fundamentally depressing--even in 2008--about discovering your soulmate in cyberspace, sight unseen, even if profiles are based on "deep compatibility".

Whatever happened to being approached by some random guy that's attractive to you, forgetting about him before he calls two weeks later out of the clear blue, catching some flicks and eating out a few times before having awkward sex two months after that, and being so annoyed by him a few months after that that you break up with him only to discover you can't live without the man? Call me old-fashioned, but even in the highly technological age, I still believe in and idealize the concept of stumbling into love. I don't think I can stomach a computer calculating my compatibility with my future husband. Even if we both don't like tomatoes and enjoy rewinding the same parts of the same movies for kicks. I'd much rather just make two salads and watch the movies I really want to see that he doesn't with my girlfriends. Besides, who wants to be that compatible? Moreover, I don't want a man who thinks it's okay for us to kiss and dance on a commercial about e-dating.

7. LACEFRONT WIGS
"To Crystal, hair was the most important thing on earth. She would never get married because you couldn't wear curlers in bed."
-Edna O'Brien

STOP.

6. THE WRITERS' STRIKE

"The fantasy of compensation, like the fantasies of revenge and forgiveness, often becomes a formidable impediment to mourning. Part of the problem is the very legitimacy of the desire for compensation. Because an injustice has been done to her, the survivor naturally feels entitled to some form of compensation. The quest for fair compensation is often an important part of recovery."
-Judith Herman

Pay the freakin writers. And I'm not just saying that to find out what happens on Dirty Sexy Money.

5. GEORGE BUSH

"I'm the commander — see, I don't need to explain — I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president."
-George W. Bush
"There's an old saying in Tennessee--I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee--that says fool me once, shame on--shame on you. Fool me--you can't get fooled again."
"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun."
"This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating."
"Do you have blacks, too?" (-to Brazilian president Fernando Cardoso) "I'm the master of low expectations."
"I'm honored to shake the hand of of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."
"I'm not an expert on how the Iraqui people think, because I live in America where it's nice and safe and secure."
"I'm also not very analytical. You know, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, about why I do things."

Looking forward to November 2008

.
4. IGNORANT BLACK SHOWS ON VH1
"There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action."
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

And there is nothing more frightful than this...

Except this.

3. DISRESPECT OF WOMEN IN HIP-HOP

"Are we simply romantically-challenged or are we sluts?"
-Carrie Bradshaw

Okay, okay. In one of my favorite books of all time, When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost, hip-hop feminist Joan Morgan says "...no one ever admits that part of the reason women love hip-hop— as sexist as it is—is 'cuz all that in-yo-face testosterone makes our nipples hard.." It's true. There is something intrinsically arousing about feeling that bass under phrases like "I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one" or "she wants it, so I gotta give it to her", or "I ain't tryna save that girl" or "bitch bend over; I'm here for a reason". But honestly, we have to do a little better, even if it's just tempering what's already out there with some more positive songs. As much as all these artists love their mamas, you would think they'd respect women a little more.

And ladies, this--

once again, is not modeling.

2. AKON PRODUCTIONS/COLLABORATIONS/EXISTENCE ON THE MUSIC SCENE
"I'm just a singer tryna entertain..."
-Akon

I know it's wrong, but sometimes I wish he was still locked up.

1. ME BEING SINGLE
"It is the woman who chooses the man who will choose her."
-Paul Gerady

Okay, so I'm over being single. I don't care what people think about that. "You're so young!" Baloney. Deep down, I'm very country and somewhat traditional and just generally not that into the single life. I've given this a lot of thought. 2008 is going to be the year of love. For those of you who know me, you can stop laughing now. No, but for real.

I'm ready to be in a serious relationship. I'm kind of at the age where I feel a strong need to get it together. SB is FINALLY gone (yay!!); the last string on that relationship finally snapped and I'm finally free (thank you Jesus for the grace and 2007, the year of change and deliverance!!). Aaaand I'm ready to be in love again and in a relationship that stirs my heart, my soul and one other special place. Seriously. I'm ready to cook for someone and travel with someone, trust someone; I'm ready to please one person again and fill my spare time with random acts of affection. I want someone to play drinking games with again, someone to surprise again. I want to have a specific person in mind when I write love songs, a man to quit working at night for, a man to wrap up early for. I'm ready to have someone to send naughty emails and text messages to again, to imagine having children with one day, to share all my secrets with...okay, someone I tell most of my secrets and who tells me all of theirs. Hey, I'm getting there.

But most of all, I'm ready to have someone to lay up under on rainy days again.

Ahhh
...to 2008. To losing dead weight and putting some on in all the right places.

>>read more

Monday, January 14, 2008

Mama's Got A Brand New BIC

"Time you enjoy wasting was not wasted."

-John Lennon

If you take a look at the body of posts on this site, all nearly 60 of them, you'll see that since starting this blog last year, I've been trying to find a formula for what I'm trying to say.

We all know the drill. I have some fundamentalist beliefs and ever-developing thoughts on women and our societal/romantic roles, and our overarching journey with the opposite sex. I also had every intention of parading my crazy tips around for all the girls who bothered to read BIC regulary-exercise, gossip, recipes, etc. As you can plainly see, that didn't work too well. See, what I've discovered in my experimentation over the past few months is that I'm a thesis and expository writing kind of chick. I like my research, I like my stances and I like my words.

So in 2008, that's exactly what BIC is going to be. Yes, there will be the occasional BINGE post and the occasional exercise post, but BIC is going to focus heartily on our issues with men, as always intended. It's also (forewarning) going to have a healthy dose of political information. I just don't want any of us to miss out on that discussion. I'm going to spend this year building my readership; that was always the point, to be read. So, I encourage whomever has the interest and time to post comments and commentary. My cousin Courtney was lovely enough to put a well-written comment on my "Man Up Bitch" post. I encourage whomever has the desire to do the same. I'd like this site to be a place where we can go to talk about these things. Women always need a place to go, a place of refuge and understanding. In 2008, I think everyone would agree that that can certainly be found in a website. I hope to fill a void like that for the intelligent ladies out there doing something positive with their lives.

God bless and look for more posts on these exasperating wonderful, amazing men we're dealing with out here!!

>>read more

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

YOU? Liberated ME?

"People don't ask for facts in making up their minds. They would rather have one good, soul-satisfying emotion than a dozen facts."

-Robert Keith Leavitt

I'm sorry. Maybe I missed something. Maybe it's just me. So, I stop and think. Hard. Oh, right. Maybe it was when the Clintons' good friend Vince Foster commited suicide. No...actually, that's not it. Okay, okay...then it had to be following the catastrophic failure of her health care initiative as First Lady. The death of her father...her mother-in-law...oh, that's right. It must have been when her husband humiliated her by getting a BJ in the Oval Office from a 24 year old. Oh but no, none of these things did it. It was only when faced with the prospect of losing that Hillary Clinton's tear ducts sprung into action.

I have to say it again at the risk of sounding like the worst kind of traitor. I do love the Clintons. I have admired Hillary for years. But I must say that the bloom is off the rose for me at this point in time. Picture this: Hillary is trotted out for the most bogus women's roundtable I've ever seen (she had a microphone for God's sake), in which her discussion of the pressures of running caused her voice to crack as she became emotional. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm biased and it's highly possible I'm paranoid. But I find it hard to believe that with all the hurtful, humiliating, awful things that have happened to Senator Clinton while in the public eye, the first time she cries is when she's asked about how hard it is to run for president--on camera.

I also find myself angered by her overly patronizing comment today: "maybe I have liberated us to actually let women be human beings in public." This speaks VOLUMES about her thought process as a 60 year-old. Hillary baby, the rest of us are already human beings in public. It was you who wanted to swan through the Senate stick-and-balls swinging in your navy pantsuits, you who tries so desperately to wear the armor of a man because you think that's how women best command respect. Women my age, Hillary, already act like human beings in public. We learned the lesson of owning our femininity in the 90's from the women in the 80's who tried to be men and suffered for it. And true, sometimes we pay for being women, and, it must be said, BIC. There's absolutely no doubt about it. Men still have the power to paint us as less worthy of power and respect because of our tendency towards emotional rollercoasters, but I'd make the argument in a second that most women are comfortable being who they are. No, it's not the best idea to spend all your time at work crying, but I think that as a cultural species we are past fearing any sign of emotion in front of men for fear of looking like we "act like a girl".

Secondly, Hill, if you're by chance just picking up on the lesson, don't spoonfeed us the idea that you've somehow managed in those few moments of peri-orbital moisture to liberate the rest of us because honey, if you haven't noticed...we're already free.

>>read more

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Do You Feel Sorry For Him?

"Look, I don't mean to be a sore loser, but when it's done ...if I'm dead, kill him!" -Butch Cassidy Wow. It hurts me to have a "Do You Feel Sorry For Him" post for a man I've loved for years. Hell, I campaigned for the man in high school. I believe in the work he's done, and I've always liked the person he was. However, I gotta point out the obvious--that was apparently more obvious to others than to me--that the Clintons can be some pretty ugly and ruthless people when they don't get their way. I haven't made it a secret that I'm for Obama all the way, have been since the top of last year and will be until the Democratic convention when he wins the nomination, followed by his presidential win next November! And I was a staunch Hillary supporter before Obama entered the race, yes, and I certainly don't begrudge lil mama her run for the presidency. She's a brilliant woman who has wanted this forever. Unfortunately, it looks as though it might not necessarily be her time. Who knows. So, I wonder how Bill is really taking all of this. The Clintons are not used to losing. I wonder how Bill really feels, being a president and subsequently adored public figure so loved for his charisma and likeability in addition to his brilliance, that his wife is losing largely because the Democrats who've for years spit in the faces of Republicans who called her cold, calculating and unlikeable now find her...drumroll...cold, calculating and unlikeable. How does President Clinton feel about the damage not being able to put a second President Clinton in office eight years after he left might do to the indomitable Clinton brand? Do you feel sorry for him? Vote to the Left!!

>>read more

Sunday, January 6, 2008

I Knew I Liked Monkeys

"There are 193 species of monkeys and apes, 192 of them are covered in hair. The exception is a naked ape self-named Homo Sapien."

-Desmond Morris

I just had to share. Next time any man dares to call you out of your name,
remind him where he comes from!!

>>read more