Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Daily DIC: Sex = Love

"it was raining/you were crying/when you gave it to me..."--Jon B.

There are few things more disgusting than having Dennis Prager tell you to have sex with your husband even when you aren't in the mood. Read on for the full extent of my wrath.

I fully understand the concept of loving someone--or in the case having sex with someone--not just when you want it, but when they need it. Point taken. And I think that many women do--and should--sacrifice of themselves in a marriage or serious relationship, when appropriate. But this ridiculous article comes off as though there's some sort of sick pussy mandate out on the women on the world. It completely invalidates the feelings of women, not to mention any slither of male responsibility. Did Dennis the Menace ever stop to think of any of the reasons why a woman wouldn't want to have sex with her husband? Does he even blithely take into account male patterns of behavior that encourage sexual listlessness in relationships?

Sure, there are women who stop having sex after they're married. I'd make the argument that the vast majority of the time they're women who never really enjoyed having it in the first place, and a man should know and understand who he is marrying when he marries her. If he has an insatiable sex drive, then he ought to find a woman who has the same drive--there will be little (other than medical or biological reasons) that would prevent her from having the intercourse she also craves. But more often than not, women are willing and happy--excited, even--to "give themselves", in Mr. Prager's words, to their husbands when the men are deserving. When they're not, that's a whole other bowl of beans to snap. Not to mention, let's not get into when the tables are turned and there's a man who's no longer interested in sex. In that case the wife would be labeled insensitive and unreasonable for her requests.

Prager makes the fundamental argument that men "clam up" when sex is withheld, and women then act ignorant about the cause of this distance when they should be stripping down and riding their husbands to sleep every night. Well, what about the husbands who would still be "distant" even with sex? What about the men who actually think that sex is communication and see no reason to communicate outside of intercourse? Well, let me explain what silence and lack of connection breeds in a relationship: resentment and frustration in the woman, which leads to--you got it, decreased sex drive and zero desire to be "close" to their man. If a woman begins to feel that the only way she can relate to a man is through sex, she will "clam up", as well. In Dennis' world, that probably then gives her husband allowance to screw her in her sleep with a pillow over her face. He actually put pen to paper and thought before writing "a woman who denies the man she loves sex is not kind."

Men should understand what they need to do to make the woman in their life feel amorous. Most women, if they have to cook, clean the house, feed, bathe and discipline the kids and work, don't feel like having sex at the end of the day. They feel like sleeping so they can get up and do it all again the next day. If men yearn to have more sex then they need to cultivate a sexy enough environment to get what they want. Help out or better yet, hire someone who can. If your wife is burned out, relieve her of some of her stress so that she has more time, energy, desire and creativity to sex you up. Otherwise, shut up and enjoy the smoothness of the life she's creating for you.

Men need to be more concerned with the role they play in a sexual downturn and with women's feelings, not just about how they can g some extra undeserved romps with the woman they're not satisfying. Deal with the root of the problem and there won't be a problem. And furthermore, if a husband is going to demand sex and take it if it's not given to him, he needs to be a whole hell of a lot sexier than Dennis Prager.

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